Title: The Adventures of Sunshine and Sweetums
Written By: suzvoy
Timeline: Future fic, definitely after 513.
Rating: R.
Warnings: Language, implied sexual situations, possible spoilers for 513.
Summary: Brianus domesticatus?
Author Notes: Humor! Many thanks to my beta, who was also my inspiration.

Written for dare_challenge and originally posted anonymously.

Feedback would be great!

*

Things started getting weird one Thursday night at the loft.

They'd fucked, and it'd been hot. Afterwards Brian had smoked a cigarette, and Justin had sat up and started reading some new book he'd bought - he'd gotten into the habit of reading in bed lately. Brian was still trying to convince himself it had nothing to do with his sexual prowess, and battled his creeping fears of stereotypical 'married life' by making sure the sex was always as hot as it fucking could be.

Realising he was thirsty, Brian got out of bed and walked to the kitchen. Hearing the fridge open, Justin called out asking for a bottle of water too, and Brian brought two bottles back into the bedroom, placing his on the bedside table.

Not looking up - that book must've been really fucking interesting - Justin just stuck his hand out. Brian shoved the bottle into his open hand and Justin grabbed onto it, reaching across himself to place it on his own bedside table. "Thanks, baby."

What. The. Fuck?

Freezing with one foot on the edge of the bed, Brian lifted his head and stared at him. "What the fuck?"

Still absorbed in his book, Justin turned a page. "What the fuck what?"

"What did you say when I gave you the water?"

Lifting his head up, Justin frowned at him. "I said 'Thanks, Brian'."

Pausing for a few more seconds, Brian considered the possibility of Justin actually calling him 'baby', realised how ridiculous it was, and finally got into bed. "Right. Good." Settling in, he took a drink of water and eventually snatched Justin's book out of his hands and threw it over his shoulder. "Let's fuck."

Sighing as if it was a great inconvenience, Justin shifted down onto his back as he teased, "Yeah, this is the life of romance I always dreamed about."

Shifting on top of him, Brian brought his hands up and tangled his fingers in Justin's hair. "I could always trade you in for a younger model, you know."

"Oh no," Justin said, wide-eyed, too-sympathetically, "don't tell me the Alzheimer's has set in already?"

Brian pursed his lips together. "I hope you understand that you'll be paying for that comment."

Grinning, Justin rubbed up against him. "I *hope* so."

Little shit.

*

Friday after work, they went to visit Gus. With the munchers and his kid happily ensconced back in Pittsburgh, as well as Justin, Brian had to admit - at least to himself - that life was pretty fucking good right now. Ever since their return Brian had made it a point to visit Gus several nights a week, and they'd spent a lot of weekends together.

It was fucking freaky, sometimes, just how much Gus had grown up.

Almost twelve now, he was alternately excited and surly. Some days he'd run down the stairs to see his dad; others he'd stay in his room, and answer any questions with monosyllables. Mel, of course, insisted that the surliness made him just like his father.

Brian just told her to fuck off.

Their relationship hadn't changed much.

That Friday was a good day, and Gus told Brian and Justin all about what he'd done at school, and some girl in his class who was a major whor...liked a lot of different guys, and how JR had spilt juice all over herself earlier - at which point JR interjected and told him to shut up. Linds gently reprimanded both of them.

At some point Brian was alone with Justin in the living room. They talked about Gus for a while - Justin thought his sketches were getting really good - until Linds called from the kitchen, asking Brian if he could help her with something. Rising from his seat next to Justin, Brian headed for the kitchen.

"Be right back."

"Sure, darling."

Nearly stumbling, Brian whirled around. "What?"

Justin frowned up at him from one of Gus' sketches. "What what?"

"What did you say when I was leaving?"

Justin looked at him as if he'd just announced that he liked eating pussy. "I said 'sure, daddy'." He waved the sketch about to emphasise his point.

Brian stared at Justin.

Justin stared back at Brian.

*

The straw that broke the camel's back - or Brian Kinney's suspension of disbelief - was the use of the word 'sweetums'. It'd been most disturbing because it'd been used immediately post-fuck.

They'd both been lying there, panting for breath, when Justin had lifted a hand and said, "That was great, sweetums."

It was just as well Brian's dick had been soft already, because there was no way it would've stayed up in the face of that.

Leaning up on his left side, he glared down at Justin ready to demand some kind of explanation for his behaviour - only to see that Justin was laughing silently. Realising he'd been seen, Justin stopped being silent and laughed freely for a few seconds, his right hand coming up to his face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he wheezed out between chuckles. "Oh my God, Brian, you should see your face when I do it."

Still not amused, Brian waited impatiently for Justin to get over his laughing fit - he really didn't appreciate being laughed at - and explain what the fuck was going on. He didn't need to verbalise the thought - the silent question was just waiting to be answered.

Eventually reducing to the occasional chuckle, Justin sighed happily and began the story. "It was when I was at Michael's the other day. Ben came home from somewhere; they kissed, and Ben called Michael 'baby'," he paused, as if to let the moment sink in.

It certainly did. "He calls him *baby*?"

"I know! I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that in principal - for some couples. It's just...not what I expected, you know?" Justin shrugged. Brian nodded. "I asked Michael about it afterwards. He got all embarrassed and admitted it didn't happen very often, and usually when they were alone." Which made sense, because Brian had certainly never fucking heard that nickname before and certainly would've mocked Michael if he had. "And we got talking about how you'd never call me anything like that - thank you, by the way - and somehow it turned into Michael daring me to call you all these ridiculous nicknames. My *love*," he finished, batting his eyelashes.

Christ, all this was for a dare? "So you've been freaking me the fuck out over a dare?"

"You were freaking the fuck out?"

"That's not the point," Brian quickly changed subjects. "So, this was all Michael's idea?" He began plotting.

"Yeah, but it's not like..." Justin stopped, staring at him. "Brian? What are you planning?"

Brian just grinned.

*

It was at Deb's for dinner on Sunday that Brian unleashed his plan. Waiting until everyone had started eating, Brian cleared his throat and spoke very clearly.

"Justin, pumpkin? Would you mind passing the peas?"

"Of course I don't mind, pookie," Justin replied gamely, passing the bowl as if they talked like this every day.

Everyone was gaping at them before Brian had touched a single pea.

It took Mikey about five seconds to get it. "Oh, ha ha," he said snarkily, but looked almost relieved. "Very funny."

Brian frowned quite seriously. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Mikey. I was just asking my little love to pass me the peas." He scooped some out with a spoon, and passed the bowl back to Justin. "Thank you, my beloved."

"Oh my God," Emmett said, "Brian's finally gone insane."

"Not just Brian," Ted pointed out, shaking his head. "This is hardly normal behaviour for Justin, either."

"Oh!" Emmett gasped, bringing a hand to his chest as he spoke to Justin. "Sweetie, did you suffer another head injury?"

Christ, Emmett could be such a drama queen. "The only head injury either one of us has suffered from lately is when a trick forgets to cover his-"

"Brian!" Mel and Linds yelled in chorus, covering Gus and JR's ears respectively.

Shit, he'd been trying not to make comments like that in front of the kids.

In front of the kids. Shit. For having to even have thoughts like that, he deserved a little fun now and then.

"Sunshine," Deb demanded, ever the eloquent one, "what the fuck is going on?"

"Nothing's going on," he replied, the picture of innocence. "Brian and I both just realised that we're at a stage in our relationship now where some things need to change. We had a shocking lack of nicknames for each other, and decided to address that." Brian's hand was resting on the edge of the table, so Justin placed one of his on top of it. "Isn't that right, cutie pie?"

Gus stared at them in horror. "You guys are really freaking me out right now."

"I don't believe it," Mel said, probably in an attempt to soothe Gus. "They're just trying to fu...mess with our heads."

"Oh, good," Gus slumped, relieved. "That makes so much more sense."

Brian wondered what that said about him and Justin, but decided it was best not to think about it.

*

Justin chuckled at regular intervals all the way home. Brian mostly smirked, but it was expressing much the same sentiment.

"So, *sweetheart*," Justin grinned after they stripped and fell into bed, "any other names you want me to call you tonight? Stud?" He kissed Brian's jaw. "Hot stuff?" Kissed his neck. "Sexy thing?" He laughed, biting at Brian's chest.

Brian couldn't help but grin. "'Fuck me now' will do."

"Hmm," Justin mused, sitting up and rubbing his ass over Brian's cock, "I think that one's guaranteed."

Later, Justin sat up in bed, reading his book.

Brian didn't mind at all.

~FINIS

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