*

 

After that, Justin's birthday went much better than he'd been expecting.

Waking up with Brian wrapped around him and realising they'd spent the night at *his* place for once, made Justin grin so hard his cheeks started hurting. The same thing happened to Deb, who - as always, having no sense of privacy - barged through his bedroom doorway in the morning to make sure he was up for school.

"Okay, Sunshi-" She stopped mid-speech, staring and bringing her hand up to her chest as she took in the way Brian was draped across him. "That is the fucking cutest thing I've ever seen."

He probably should have been worried about Brian waking and overhearing, but Justin just grinned harder.

Something seemed to change in Deb after that. Making a point of waking Brian up, she ordered them quickly downstairs.

"Come on boys, hustle and get yourselves downstairs for breakfast." Pausing, she winked as she stood by the door. "After you've washed the dried come off - and don't use my good towels."

Grumbling, they nonetheless followed her orders. Of course, they ended up fooling around again, which meant cleaning up again, and only made their way downstairs when Deb screamed threats of castration up the stairs.

Brian, of course, insisted that he couldn't stay for breakfast. Debbie, just as insistent, told him he was staying if he was interested in keeping his balls in the near future.

Aside from their usual banter, Deb was being almost polite to Brian. Justin watched in disbelief as she made sure that Brian's coffee cup was never empty and asked how work was going, seeming genuinely interested.

Justin wasn't the only who noticed - and wasn't the only one freaked out by it. Could Vic have told her, even though he'd promised he wouldn't? Or maybe she'd figured it out for herself. Shit.

It didn't take Brian long. "Why the fuck are you being so nice to me?"

Looking completely guileless, Debbie shrugged. "Excuse me for being curious about someone I care about. Besides, it's Sunshine's birthday," she turned to smile at him warmly, "he'd want me to be extra nice to you." Well, that was true. "Anyway, Sunshine, you'd better get off to school."

Sad but true, but Justin felt better about inevitable schooldom when Brian offered him a ride. When he disappeared upstairs to take a quick leak before they left, Justin turned to Deb.

"What was that about, Deb? Really? What's going on?"

Slowly lowering herself into the chair next to his at the table, she held his gaze. "Sunshine, I've known Brian since he was fourteen. I've seen him go through so much shit you probably wouldn't believe it. Putting up with all that bullshit from his parents and his sister. Living life as a gay man and dealing with what that can mean. And I've been watching the two of you since you came along. I've seen you two swap spit and practically swap bodily fluids right in front of me, but not once, not once in fifteen years can I ever remember him looking the way he did upstairs." Smiling faintly, she cupped the right side of his face with her hand. "He's never let anyone get this close, Sunshine; not even Michael."

Stunned, Justin just stared at her.

"Sometimes he makes it so fucking hard to remember," she said quietly.

Justin swallowed. "Remember what?"

She smiled almost sadly. "That he's just like everyone else."

The sound of Brian's footsteps coming down the stairs jolted them apart, and Justin tried not to grin all the way to school.

School itself actually wasn't that bad. Daph forgave him for being an asshole the day before ("You are *such* a drama queen!") and Chris didn't so much as look at him. Classes were as good as they could be, and the day seemed to zoom by.

When he got back to Deb's he was greeted with a screech and an enthusiastic hug, and was told he could do whatever he wanted until 6:30. Justin thought about calling Brian but decided to hold off for now. He wasn't entirely sure if Brian was going to put an appearance or not, despite his hopes after last night. There were differences between Justin's party and Michael's party - the main one being that his mom and his sister hadn't been at Michael's.

At 6:30 on the dot the doorbell rang, and Justin wasn't surprised at all to see Mom and Molly on the other side. Mom hadn't talked about Dad when they'd discussed coming over for his birthday, and Justin could only assume he had no idea at all. There was no way he would've stood for Molly being in the face of such 'corruption'.

Molly, for her part, had been staring - with horror, he suspected - at Deb's idea of interior design, before being confronted with Deb herself.

"Well, hey there!" Deb greeted, standing with her hands on her hips. "Aren't you just the cutest little thing?"

He really should've warned Deb about saying stuff like that.

"I'm not cute and I'm not little," Molly insisted haughtily.

"Molly..." Mom rebuked.

Deb wasn't fazed, and just grinned broader. "My apologies, Miss Ugly and Big. Would you care for a drink?"

Amused, Justin watched Deb lead her into the kitchen as Molly clearly tried to figure out if she'd just been insulted or not. "I think Molly's finally met her match."

"Oh honey," Mom said, "Molly met you *years* ago."

Conversation between the two of them went pretty smoothly. The more they talked lately the more he felt like he should be less of a prick to her - although that was mostly Brian's influence. He'd always said Justin was lucky to have a Mom who cared about him, even if she wasn't perfect.

The others arrived in due course. Daphne had got out of the house by telling some lie about hanging out with September, and was high from the buzz of secrecy. Ted and Emmett arrived together, as usual, Justin and Ted having bonded a little during Emmett's HIV scare. He wasn't sure he'd called Ted a friend, exactly - and sometimes he was a bit of an ass towards Brian - but he'd been there during a crisis for Emmett, and that made him worth knowing.

Michael wasn't able to make it, his responsibilities as the manager of the Big Q having meant more hours and more work. Justin still wasn't sure if it was a great loss or not. He'd given Michael that sketch on his birthday, but they'd never really been friends. Michael definitely hadn't liked him when they first met, jealous over the attention from Brian, and now they rarely saw each other at all.

It was just as well, really. He probably would've wanted to bring David.

The girls weren't coming either. They'd both claimed they had important plans that they couldn't get out of, but Justin suspected they just didn't want to be in the same room together. He couldn't really blame them and they'd both called earlier to wish him a happy birthday, which he'd appreciated. Besides, even if they had both turned up, the tension probably would've ruined the party and he could hardly invite one and not the other.

The downside of course was that he wouldn't get to see Gus today, but Lindsay had promised he could come by and visit anytime he wanted.

Just before seven the doorbell rang again and - knowing who it must be - Justin rushed over and opened the door. "Hey," he said, having a feeling he was grinning stupidly at the latest arrival.

"Hey," Brian replied, fiddling with the card he was holding before handing it over.

"Thanks."

Brian shrugged. "Don't open it in front of your sister."

Justin bit his lower lip, curious about the card and whether Brian was staying for dinner. "You coming in?"

Hesitating, Brian's glaze flicked into the house and out again several times. "Yeah. Okay."

And here was the problem: Brian didn't fuck his friends, and yet he was fucking Justin. So he was there in some capacity other than 'friend', and everyone knew it. Add to that the fact that Mom and Molly were there and...yeah. It was extremely easy to see how, despite his bullshit about not giving a fuck what anyone thought, Brian would be feeling awkward.

Okay. It was extremely easy to see how Brian would be freaking the fuck out.

Inside the house Brian was greeted by his friends, and that seemed to help him relax.

Until Mom spoke. "Hello, Brian."

Somehow he seemed to shrink about two feet. "Hello, Mrs Taylor."

"This is Molly," Mom introduced, nudging Molly into holding out her hand.

Brian seemed bemused by the whole thing, but shook her hand nonetheless. "Nice to meet you, Molly. I'm Brian."

Apparently she knew that already. "Are you the guy Justin's fucking?" Also apparently, she did at least have *some* inkling of gay sex.

A bark of laughter came from somewhere, but mostly it was a mix of horrified and amused stares.

"Oh," Emmett said eventually, "I *like* this girl."

Ted sipped at his beer. "Seems shyness isn't a trait that runs in *any* part of the Taylor family."

"Molly!" Mom said, cheeks flaming. "You know it's not acceptable to use language like that!"

"But Dad says it all the time," she complained, like the whole world was being unfair. "I don't see what the big deal is."

Determined to have some fun with this, Justin moved and knelt until they were eye to eye. "Molly," he began, placing his hands on her shoulders. "When you get home, give Dad a message for me. Tell him that Brian's not the guy I'm fucking - but that Brian's the guy fucking *me*."

More laughter. Definitely Emmett, Debbie and Vic this time.

"Justin!" Mom *so* wasn't impressed.

What the hell? It was his birthday. He was allowed.

Besides, Brian didn't look so nervous after that. In fact, he looked fucking amused.

After Deb urged everyone to grab a seat around the table - Mom still not looking impressed - Brian wrapped an arm around Justin's shoulders and pulled him close.

"Have I ever told you how fucking brave you are?"

"I am?" Justin asked, delighted.

"Balls the size of Texas," Brian confirmed.

He looked down at his own groin. "That explains a lot."

*

Things had kept going well. The food had been great, the cake had been great, and the presents had been a lot of fun to open. Unsurprisingly he'd received a lot of art supplies, but he always appreciated those, and Mom had actually bought him a brand new easel (he'd been right about getting a good gift) that she'd kept hidden out in the car. He'd hugged her when he'd seen it, and felt distinctly boyfriend-like when Brian carried it up to his room.

Emmett had given him a CD and the news that their visit to Zack O'Tool's play next week was his 'real' present. Molly, of course, had demanded to know who Zack O'Tool was.

They'd all stared at each other for a moment, when Ted came out with,

"He's Pittsburgh's foremost expert on hardware."

Molly wrinkled her nose. "Sounds boring."

"Utterly tedious," Emmett agreed. "Your brother has appalling taste."

Justin had let that one slide.

Deb seemed to have learned her lesson and didn't force anything on anyone who didn't actually want it, and Justin smiled a little when Vic looked across at him.

Molly had seemed completely nonchalant about the fact that there were five gay guys in the room, and when Mom started making excuses and saying they should leave soon - Molly was still a kid, after all - Brian leant back in his chair and towards him. "Coming over tonight?"

Justin tried not to show his joy too much. "Sure," he replied casually, picking up his glass and sipping at his coke. He'd made a point of not drinking anything alcoholic, despite it being his birthday. Mom wouldn't have appreciated it in front of Molly anyway, but Justin'd decided it was a subtle way of showing support for Brian.

By the time everyone left it was a little after ten, and they'd been teasing each other for the last half hour. Justin was unbelievably horny, and when Ted and Emmett left the house he was all but ready to pounce on Brian.

"Jesus Christ," Deb muttered, obviously seeing the way they were looking at each other, "why don't you two get the fuck out of here before you combust?"

"Uh, you sure, Deb?" Justin asked, never looking away from Brian. "There's still a lot to clear up."

"Vic and I'll get it, Sunshine. Seriously. Now get out of here before Vic sets the camcorder up."

Well, if she absolutely *insisted*...

*

Three hours later, Justin felt delightfully sore as he stretched out on Brian's bed. "God, I love your bed," he sighed happily.

"I'm rather fond of it too."

Splayed out on his back, Justin kept smiling as he thought back on the day. It'd been a really, really good day. Probably his best birthday ever. And Brian had just been...Brian's card! Lethargy gone, Justin immediately sat up and spied his rucksack pushed up against the side of the bedroom. He'd put the card in there when he was getting his bag from his room at Deb's, and he searched through it now.

"What're you doing?"

Crawling back onto the bed, Justin held the card up, answering Brian's question. Not waiting for a reaction, he sat cross-legged on the mattress and ripped the envelope open, tugging the card out.

It was very simple - a white background, with a beautifully drawn image of a paintbrush and pencil in the middle, crossing each other to form an X. Justin liked it, but... "Why'd you tell me not to show this to Molly?"

Leaning on his side now, Brian smirked. "You think you know me so well. Gotta keep you guessing sometimes."

Rolling his eyes at the Brianesque move, Justin looked back down and opened the card. The inside was just as simple as the exterior.

Justin,

Happy Birthday. You deserve it.

Brian

But it was the two small pieces of paper that fell out that grabbed his interest. Picking them up with his free hand, he turned them over and squinted in the relative darkness at the small text.

And then he realised what they were.

Two tickets to see Yellow Submarine - at a movie theatre.

"Brian!" he exclaimed, his shock making him yell. "How the hell did you get these?"

Brian tried to shrug it off. "Turns out there's a Beatles retrospective at this cinema downtown. I heard about it and checked to see if they were showing Yellow Submarine, and low and behold-"

Grinning, Justin practically jumped on top of him. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" he said, kissing Brian's face over and over again. He *loved* Yellow Submarine, but of course he'd never been able to see it at the cinema. That would be *so* cool. "Thank you so much!"

"Okay, okay," Brian said, doing - in Justin's opinion - a bad version of sounding gruff, "don't get your panties wet."

"You like it when I get my panties wet," Justin argued, leering, before pulling back. "So who's the second ticket for?"

"Whoever you want," he answered, turning his head away as he reached out for a pack of cigarettes.

Knowing exactly what he was doing, Justin didn't let him get away with it and touched the side of his face, making Brian look back at him.

Brian's arm flopped down, his hand grabbing nothing.

Justin spoke. "I want you to come with me."

He didn't look away, although he probably wanted to. "Okay." He said it dismissively, like he didn't care one way or the other, but Justin knew better. And while acting like that might have annoyed him sometimes, things had been so good today that he just didn't care. "Now get some sleep," Brian continued, pushing Justin off of him gently, "or you'll feel like shit tomorrow."

Justin gave in, for now. "Such a romantic end to my eighteenth birthday..." he sighed dramatically.

"Your birthday ended over an hour ago."

He grinned. "Aww, you noticed."

"Justin?"

"Yeah?"

"Go to fucking sleep."

 

*

 

The closer they got to the movie theatre, the more Brian looked like he was about to throw up. Panicking, Justin started rambling on again about what Twelve Horny Men had been like - long and hard, and not in the good way - hoping the random conversation would help Brian calm down.

He knew (at least he thought he did) what this was about - Brian going on anything even resembling a date. Justin had gone out of his way to make it seem not-date like, too. He hadn't dressed up especially, had gone nowhere near mentioning the actual word, hadn't breathed a word about it to anyone (except Em. And Daph. Vic, too) and had made no fuss about it whatsoever since his birthday.

Still, Brian looked like he'd eaten some bad seafood, and Justin was starting to worry about him vomiting over the interior of the Jeep.

Control. Brian needed control. According to everything he'd read, one of the biggest steps in recovery was alcoholics taking control of their own lives - not feeling swept along and being forced into something they didn't really want to do. That same theory was also kind of useful for dealing with Brian in general.

"Hey, Brian?"

"Yeah?" He didn't look at him, hands straining tightly against the steering wheel.

"Just so you know, I don't consider this a date." Okay, so that was far from subtle, but - whatever worked.

"That's because it's not."

Brian was *so* not ready for dating. "Exactly," Justin agreed. "I just wanted you to come with me because you bought the tickets, and it seemed only fair."

"Right." Staring straight ahead.

"And if we ever do anything like this again, it's just because we enjoy hanging out, not-"

"Justin." The tone was unmistakable: shut up.

"Just trying to help."

"You're not."

It wasn't the best start to the first unconventional quasi-date Justin had ever been on, although Brian's reaction wasn't really unexpected. In the loft sometimes he was almost like a different man, but outside where people could see, the walls came up and the attitude came down.

By the time they parked and walked to the movie theatre, Brian seemed a little less edgy. Maybe the prospect of sitting in the dark where no one could see him for ninety minutes was helping, or maybe he was just starting to relax. It was definitely at odds with Brian's usual not giving a shit diatribe, but Justin decided not to mention that.

Very deliberately buying his own popcorn and soda, he handed the tickets over, got the stubs back, and walked into the cinema. Asking Brian where he wanted to sit, he wasn't surprised when he picked seats near the back. Less exposure there.

Not long after that, someone came in and made a speech about the movie - the reaction it received when it was first released, what people thought of it now, how pleased they were to get permission to show it - and then the lights dimmed and the movie started.

After the first few scenes Justin was completely enthralled. He'd seen it so many times but the animation techniques always fascinated him, and he'd never seen it on a screen this big before. The music was pretty cool, too - even if it was way before his time. More than once he thought he caught Brian mouthing the words to the songs, but he simply turned his head and kept his mouth shut.

By the time the movie came to an end, Brian had relaxed considerably and might even have been humming 'Nowhere Man' as he pushed open the doors that led out of the screening room.

"So, what did you think?" Justin asked, walking beside him, trying to stay ahead of the crowd.

"Well," Brian mulled it over, "considering that's about the twelfth time I've seen it, it wasn't bad."

"You have not seen Yellow Submarine twelve times!"

Taking a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket, he tugged one free. "You always have that fucking tape with you. Don't think I don't notice you putting it on when I have work to finish."

Well, that was true. "It's either that or get bored."

"Or go back to Deb's."

"But then you wouldn't fuck me later."

Brian shrugged, shoving the cigarettes back into his pocket. "True. But that doesn't negate the fact that you're addicted to that movie."

"Never said I wasn't," Justin argued snottily, stopping just short of actually sticking his tongue out.

Brian glanced over at him. "I bet you wish you even had a 'Blue Meanie'." He lifted his eyebrows lasciviously.

Brian could make really, really bad jokes sometimes - but they always made Justin grin. It almost seemed kind of dorky. "I'm not sure I'd want a blue *anything*," he laughed as he pushed open the door that led onto the street - stopping cold when he saw who was about to step inside.

Michael and David.

Staring, Justin still didn't move when Brian bumped into him. "What are you doing here?" he asked, stunned.

Looking just as surprised, Michael shrugged. "Uh, we just read about this place so we thought we'd come see a movie. David's a Beatles fan."

Of course he was. Jesus Christ.

"What about you guys?" David asked, looking suspiciously from one to the other. "Why're you here?"

Michael looked really, really interested in the answer, and Justin knew exactly what to do. Wrapping an arm around - a very still - Brian's waist, he smirked. "I'd never blown anyone in a cinema before."

Predictably, David rolled his eyes and looked less than impressed. Michael just frowned. Mumbling something about still having to buy tickets they moved on, and Brian and Justin escaped as soon as they could, spilling out onto the street.

Removing his arm from around Brian, Justin kept up with the fast pace he set as he walked determinedly towards the car. Justin said nothing until they were inside the Jeep, sitting silently. Brian had made no move to start the engine and his cigarette had vanished.

Taking a risk, Justin licked his lips. "You don't really see him much anymore, do you?"

Brian shrugged. "He has the doctor. I have...I don't go to the bars and clubs anymore." That slip definitely didn't escape Justin's notice. "Things have changed. Everything does."

Justin spoke quietly, intently. "Not everything."

Turning his head, Brian looked at him for a while - and it was almost scary, Justin almost looked away - before turning back and starting the engine. After they pulled out of the parking lot and into the traffic, Brian spoke.

"Linds called earlier. Wanted to know if I could take Gus all next weekend."

A whole weekend? With Gus? Cool! "That's great."

"Well, I have to take Friday off work and I think it's just because Mel couldn't take him, but..." he shrugged, and Justin understood. Anytime with Gus was good time. Justin had managed to visit with Gus earlier in the week, but he'd never spent a whole weekend with him.

Or Brian, for that matter.

Clearing his throat, Brian seemed very interested in checking his side view mirrors. "Wanna help out?"

What the hell. This time he *wasn't* gonna hide the grin. "Okay!"

Brian still didn't look at him, but he did smile.

*

 

Nearly a week later, Justin woke up with a hand on his cock and a mouth biting gently at his neck. Growling softly, he tipped his head to one side and bent his knees, planting his feet onto the mattress. The actions seeming to spur him on, Brian moved his hand faster and lifted his head up to meet Justin with an open-mouthed kiss.

This early it didn't take Justin long at all, wrapping an arm around Brian's neck as he came, groaning into the kiss.

Holy shit.

Feeling very, very content, Justin released his hold on Brian and relaxed completely against the bed. "Why can't all wake-up calls be like that?"

"No one would ever get out of bed," Brian answered, lifting his hand away from Justin's now-limp cock and studying the come there.

The knock at the door startled both of them, making them look at the far end of the loft.

"That'll be Linds."

Regretfully getting up from the bed, Brian washed his hands in the bathroom while Justin stepped into the shower. The wake-up call had certainly woken him up nicely but the shower revived him even more, and he spent quite a while enjoying the spray of water. By the time he got out and dried off he realised he'd spent much longer in there than he should've, and began the frantic search for his school uniform. Finding the clothes didn't take long, but the location of his right shoe was a complete mystery.

Half-dressed, he came out of the bathroom and back into Brian's bedroom. The others were in the lower part of the loft; Brian had pulled on a pair of sweats and was sitting in a chair holding Gus who was drinking from a bottle. Linds was flapping about, giving instructions and obviously worried about leaving her son.

"So, he takes a nap around eleven and another one at three," she continued.

"Lucky him," Justin grinned.

Linds threw him a small smile but kept talking to Brian, pulling a sheet of paper out of her filofax. "Here are all the emergency numbers. Oh, if you wanna take him outside don't forget his little beanie cap. He looks so adorable."

Deciding to admit defeat, Justin gave in. "Does somebody see my other shoe?"

Brian shifted. "Oh, is that what I'm sitting on?" Making sure Gus was secure, he reached beneath him and pulled the missing shoe free, lobbing it at Justin. "I knew it wasn't one of my usual rubber toys."

Smiling, Justin caught it and remembered exactly what kind of rubber toys Brian *did* have.

Lindsay didn't seem to appreciate the moment. "Brian, are you listening to me?"

He rolled his eyes and focused his attention back on her. "Yeah, feeding time, nap time, beanie hat, I got it. He'll be fine, Lindsay."

Softening, she smiled at him. "I know he will be, and really appreciate you doing this." Sighing, she started going through her filofax again. "But if I have to go back to work, I have to attend this damn teachers conference." Splitting up with Mel meant a definite loss of income. Justin was sure Mel was still giving Linds money for Gus, but that wasn't all they had to think about.

"Well, maybe you'll meet a nice lady P.E. teacher," Brian mocked.

"Don't worry," Justin said, jamming his shoes on. "I'm gonna help out too." After school and work, regretfully.

Linds stared at him before turning to give Brian a *look*. "No offence, Justin, but I hope it's helping and not *doing everything*." She kept giving Brian that significant look.

Brian sighed, not seeming amused. "I'm his father; I'm not going to fuck it up." Pausing, he looked down at Gus. "Would you please tell her to give me some credit?"

"I am," she insisted. "That's why I'm leaving him in your care."

"Bullshit," Brian argued, apparently knowing better. "You're leaving him here because Melanie had to go see her Yenta mother in Miami and won't be back until Sunday."

Ignoring the comment, Linds finally found what she'd been searching for and placed it on the table on top of the already pretty impressive pile of papers. "Here's my number at the conference. There you go."

Linds' near-panic about not being with Gus for the first significant amount of time since he'd been born was clear, and Brian obviously saw it too, reaching out to pull her closer with his free hand.

"He's gonna be fine, Mom."

Pausing, Lindsay's face relaxed a little as she nodded. "I know, Dad."

Looking down at Gus, Brian let go of Lindsay and lifted him up. "Are you ready to spend the weekend with your old man, Sonny Boy?"

Justin certainly was.

 

*

 

Daph practically jumped him by his locker at school, the way she had every day since his, "...big date with Brian!"

Jesus, she was obsessed.

"It wasn't a date," he argued for the fifth time, even as he felt his face flushing with the undeniable truth - at least as far as he saw it.

"Uh huuuuuuuh," she teased. "He picked you up."

"It was just more convenient," he said, closing his locker and walking towards class. He knew this routine well by now.

She didn't let up. "And he drove you there."

"Well it's not like I have a car." He forced a shrug. This conversation was getting really old.

"You sat next to each other."

"Of course, we went together. What else would we do?" Sometimes Daph was such a *girl*. Even if she did have a point he'd never verbally agree with.

"And you kissed afterwards."

Technically... "We went back to his place and fucked." There was a lot of kissing that went with fucking, these days.

As if her point had just been made, Daph stopped at one side of the hallway and smiled smugly. "Daaa-aaate," she sing-songed. "Brian loves you *so* much."

Embarrassed yet secretly loving it, Justin turned and warned her again not to mention it to Brian, even in passing. "Seriously. The last thing he needs is people making fun about this."

Chewing on her bottom lip, she suddenly became a lot more serious and mentioned something she hadn't before. "Are you ever gonna tell me what's been going on lately?" Oh, shit. "I mean you still tell me everything else. Why not this?" She looked more than a little hurt.

He could've lied to her, but this was Daph and he'd done enough lying. "I promised I wouldn't, Daph." He hadn't realised how much she must've been noticing, and he really should've. But he couldn't pay attention to everything at once. "But if I could, you know I-"

"I know," she interrupted, because they'd known each other forever. "Maybe someday you'll be able to."

It'd be nice, not to have secrets anymore. "Someday. But hey," he continued, trying to cheer her up, "I get to spend this weekend with him." He'd been keeping that newsflash to himself, figuring until now that she didn't deserve it with all the teasing she'd been doing lately.

"The *whole* weekend?" she asked, eyes going wide.

Technically Justin was still working on that - Mel was coming back on Sunday, but he didn't know what time so he wasn't sure how much he'd be needed. He might have to try and get out of his shift on Sunday. "Pretty much. It's with Gus too, though. The three of us are gonna spend the weekend together."

"Oh my *God*! That's...that's..."

Pleased with himself, Justin smirked. He knew. He *so* knew.

*

He'd been working at the diner for just over two hours when Brian walked in. Seeing him and Gus immediately, Justin finished up with his latest customer before moving to the booth Brian had chosen. "Hey!"

Settling Gus in his carrier on the side of the table near the wall, Brian glanced towards him and smiled briefly. "Hey." Apparently sure that everything with Gus was okay, he sat down.

"How's Gus been today?" Justin asked.

"Perfectly behaved," he sounded proud. "Of course, that's how we know he's mine."

"Uh huh."

Brian looked up at him. "You sound unconvinced."

He didn't stop smirking. "Hard to believe, I know."

Smirking himself, Brian tipped his head slightly. "Well, if you can manage to tear yourself away from your paranoia, I would like to actually order some food. I believe that's what this establishment is for..." He let the statement hang, as if it was almost a question.

Loving it when Brian pretended to be superior - as opposed to those times when he actually thought that he was - Justin grinned and took down his order. He half-considered planting one on Brian right there but decided against it, instead walking away with a deliberate wiggle in his ass.

Getting caught up with work again, he didn't get a chance to really talk with Brian for a while after that. He brought over Brian's order, but then there was a rush for the next ten, fifteen minutes. He knew the Leather Ball was tonight - they'd been plastering posters everywhere for days, and he figured everyone was grabbing something to eat before getting ready.

When it stopped being quite so busy and he wasn't needed anywhere just then, he headed over to Brian's table. Michael was there now, sitting across from him, and Justin sat on the back of the seat on Brian's side, perching carefully on top.

It was nice seeing the two of them together again, but Michael seemed worried about something - holding his burger yet not actually eating it. "He's a 12-year-old jazz playing webmaster. What if he hates me?"

"Who?" Justin asked.

"David's son."

Justin vaguely remembered something about David having a son. He also remembered being pissed at David at the time, and thinking his son was probably Michael's age.

"Fuck him, he's just a kid," Brian said, playing with Gus' wagging feet.

"He's not just a kid," Michael complained. "He's David's son. You know what that means."

Justin understood instantly. Grinning, he waved his hands in front of him and made his voice scratchy. "You're the wicked stepmother."

"What?" He obviously didn't get it.

"The wicked stepmother," he repeated the movement and the voice, pleased when Brian laughed. Ending the impression - and the waving - he continued talking normally. "It's like a fairy tale."

Now Michael did get it, and he didn't look amused. "Well, why don't you get your fairy tail back to work? Isn't there a toilet you need to spit shine?"

Some people couldn't take a joke.

Of course, that was exactly why Justin did it.

Brian cut in. "Don't be so pathetic, Mikey. He's not gonna hate you."

"What makes you so sure?"

"David's crazy about you." The statement didn't cheer Michael up any; he looked even more depressed which seemed to bug Brian. "What is *with* you?"

"He's right," Michael sighed, glancing at Justin. "I'm the stepmother. I'm a stepmother!"

"Who's the stepmother?" Debbie asked, approaching the table.

"Mikey."

"David's son is coming for weekend," Michael explained, still sounding far from happy about the prospect.

It didn't seem to bother Debbie at all, who sat next to her son and leant across him to tug gently on Gus' left foot. "Look at you. You're so beautiful." Pausing, she glanced across at Brian. "I swear to God, Brian, he looks more like you every day."

"Yeah," he nodded, reaching out to touch Gus' head, "but we're still working on the hair."

"Where's Lindsay?" she asked, distracted by Gus again.

Digging out a soft cow toy, he waved it at Gus. "She's at a teachers conference, so I'm watching him for the weekend."

"You?" She asked loudly, obviously surprised, but then she looked over at Justin before focusing back on Gus. "I think it's great that you want to spend time with your kid, sweetheart. But isn't this weekend the Leather Ball? I'd have thought your dance card would be full."

Putting the cow down, Brian reached into the carrier and held Gus securely with both hands, picking him up and holding him up in the air. "It was tempting," he confessed, still staring at his son. "But this year I'm trading in my leather jockstrap...for rubber pants."

Not saying anything for a while, Debbie eventually got up from her side of the table and moved to stand by Brian's side. Sliding off the back of the seat and out of the way, Justin watched as Deb leant in and kissed Brian on the side of the face and quietly walked away.

Brian looked stunned.

Justin grinned.

Michael didn't look happy about any of it. "You've got..." he gestured towards his own face, letting Brian know there was lip-stick mark on his right cheek.

"Thanks." Brian moved to put Gus back, obviously about to look for a napkin, so Justin decided to save him the trouble.

"Here," he said, picking up an unused napkin and dipping it into Brian's glass of water. Using his free hand to cup Brian's chin and hold his face in place, his other hand used the napkin to clean off the lipstick. When it was gone, he used the dry end to wipe the water off. "There you go."

Brian, of course, had stared at him the whole time. "Thanks."

Realising he was still holding on, Justin let go and stepped back, feeling a little shaky.

"Sunshine!"

Having never been more thankful to hear Deb's yell, Justin moved to turn away - only he didn't get that far.

"Justin?"

He faked a smile. "Yeah?"

Carefully shifting Gus around until he was facing Justin, Brian did the wave with Gus' hand again. "Gus wants another coffee."

Really smiling this time, Justin shook his head. "Later." And then he did turn away, deliberately not looking at Michael's expression as he left.

*

Gus should've been asleep. That was what babies were supposed to do - Justin definitely remembered Molly sleeping a lot when she was a baby. But Gus just. Kept. Screaming.

He'd been fine up until the moment they put him in the Jeep. He'd woken up from the nap he'd fallen into in the diner, started fussing, and ever since then they hadn't been able to make him shut up.

Justin was so never having kids.

Gus'd been fed, given water, changed, rocked and generally entertained. They'd waved toys in front of him, sang, acted out nursery rhymes - Brian had even tried juggling, the only time Justin had seen him do that since their first night together. In fact, the one good thing about all this was that he got to see Brian act like a complete idiot, all in the name of trying to comfort his son.

It made all the screaming worthwhile.

At the moment Brian was holding the pacifier again, trying to convince Gus - in his carrier, on top of the main kitchen counter - that he really wanted it. When the usual techniques didn't work yet again, Brian stuck it in his own mouth. The only reason Justin didn't laugh at the image was because Brian let him be here for this at all.

Still, he was definitely planning on drawing a picture of it later.

"That's how it's done," Brian urged after taking the pacifier back out, glaring down at his son with frustration. "This is *your* pacifier - you should be sucking it!"

When the door buzzed Brian sighed with something like relief, passing the pacifier to Justin. "Here, you try." Turning away, he nearly tripped over on all the toys on the floor. The loft was a disaster area at the moment; it was just as well Gus wasn't crawling around on his own.

"Hey, Gus," Justin waved the pacifier while Brian bitched through the speaker at the take-out place for being late. Gus kept crying. "You're a baby - you should like sucking things. Come on. Besides, this could be an important ability later in life."

Coming back to stand next to him, Brian kept encouraging him too. "Gus, think nipple. Think cock. Whatever gets you there. C'mon."

Finally, finally, Gus seemed to allow the intrusion, and Justin slipped the pacifier into his mouth.

Silence. Thank God. He couldn't imagine what it would've been like dealing with that on his own. Justin suddenly had a new respect for single parents.

Brian seemed oddly smug, beaming down at Gus. "Your old man's not so bad at this."

Turning towards him, Justin put his hands on his hips. "Excuse me?

He didn't look up. "Your old man and his assistant aren't so bad at this."

The knock at the door drew their attention, and Brian stumbled over the toys again to get to the door. They'd eaten earlier, of course, but Justin was always up for take-out. "You better not have forgotten the sesame noodles this time!" he warned, pulling the door open. "I ordered this an hour ago-"

He stopped, suddenly, making Justin frown and inch closer to him. Peering around from the kitchen, he frowned even harder when he saw the man standing in the doorway. He must've been in his late fifties, at least, and it was only when he spoke that Justin realised the truth.

"Hello, Sonny Boy."

Sonny Boy?

Holy shit. Brian's dad.

 

*

 

Justin knew instantly that this wasn't going to go well.

Brian still looked shocked. "Jesus."

"Well, you couldn't be more surprised if it was," Mr Kinney muttered awkwardly, taking a step inside. "You gonna let me in?"

Shaking himself, Brian stepped back and out of the way. "Yeah, sure." Staying by the door, he still looked stunned as he watched his dad make his way further into the loft.

"Hey, it's some place," Mr Kinney said, glancing around. "Big as a palace. Looks like a dump from the outside." It wasn't a surprise to realise he hadn't visited before and, feeling the urge to offer support if it was needed, Justin stepped closer to Brian. Seeing the movement, Mr Kinney turned towards him.

"Hey, who's this?"

"Justin," Brian said quickly, tightly. "That's Justin. He's a friend. Justin, this is my father - Jack Kinney."

Not minding that Brian didn't give any more detail about their 'friendship' - he obviously had very specific reasons for not coming out to his parents - Justin thought he could at least do what he could to be polite. "Nice to meet you, Mr Kinney." That said, he stopped short of actually offering a handshake. He had no intention of ever touching the man standing in front of him.

Regarding him curiously, Jack ignored the greeting and slid his gaze towards Brian. "Little young to be a friend, isn't he? Is he even allowed to drink?"

Justin was just about to say screw politeness and give Jack a lecture on how age didn't really matter, when Gus gurgled. It was probably just as well.

Turning towards the source of the noise Jack noticed Gus for the first time, his eyes widening. "And who the hell is *this*?" Shit. More than likely, Jack didn't even know he had a grandson.

As if proving Justin's theory, Brian brushed by him and moved to the counter, taking Gus out of his carrier. "This is Gus," he introduced, holding him securely. "He's Lindsay's kid. You remember Lindsay?"

"Tallish. Blonde," Jack nodded, still staring at Gus. "You used to take her out. She was a pretty girl. She has a cute son." He paused. "She leaves him with you?"

"Sometimes," Brian shugged, quickly changing subjects to get away from any discussion of Gus. "So, what do you doing wandering around town? A lady friend? Aren't you a little old for that?" The words seemed determined to get a reaction - pure Brian.

Jack didn't rise to it.

Hesitating, he flicked his gaze towards Justin again. "Justin, was it?" He nodded and Jack continued. "Could you give us a minute?"

Glancing towards Brian - he really didn't like the idea of leaving the two of them alone - he nonetheless acknowledged the small nod and started moving up towards the bedroom. "Sure. I'll go...do something in the bathroom." Stepping up into the bedroom, he only went as far as just inside the bathroom - and didn't close the door.

Despite several attempts at new body contortions Justin couldn't see them at all, and resigned himself to staying quiet and listening in.

Brian spoke first. "Need money?" It obviously wouldn't have been the first time he'd given Jack money.

Jack was clearly well aware of that fact. "No, I didn't come here for your fucking money."

"Mom finally leave ya?" Brian teased unpleasantly.

And Jack just said it.

"I've got cancer."

Jesus fucking Christ. Sighing heavily, Justin rubbed a hand over his face and ended up running it through his hair. He probably should've felt some sympathy for Jack, asshole or not, but all he could think was that this was the last thing Brian needed. Shit, couldn't they get a break? They were stuck smack bang in the middle of some great big fucking melodrama. Something was always going wrong.

Most importantly of all, how the fuck was Brian going to react to this?

Jack kept talking, and his prognosis wasn't good. The cancer had spread throughout his body and Justin figured he probably only had a few months left.

"Sorry," Brian said, and Justin couldn't remember him ever saying that before.

Brian's take out eventually turned up - along with the sesame noodles - and he invited his dad to share the food. Predictably Jack turned him down and said he had to leave - which he did immediately, sliding the door shut behind him.

So he'd come to Brian's loft, dropped the bombshell that he had cancer, then left right after. Jesus. No wonder Brian was so screwed up.

Coming out of hiding as soon as he heard the door shut, Justin hesitated at the edge of the bedroom. Sitting on the arm of his sofa, Brian was staring down at Gus.

"I take it you were eavesdropping."

It took Justin a few moments to realise Brian was talking to him and he stepped down from the bedroom, stopping short of actually making contact. "Brian..."

"Of course you were," he said dryly, not looking up, "queers love gossip."

"Brian," he said, firmer this time, and reached out a hand to touch his shoulder.

Wrong move.

Standing up immediately, Brian pulled away from him and crossed the loft, entering the kitchen to put Gus back into his carrier. Not staying there long, he ended up standing at the end of the loft near the bathroom, looking like he wasn't sure where he was going.

The lost expression on his face sent Justin's concern into overdrive - Brian feeling lost could never be good - and he made his way to Brian quickly, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down. "Fuck me."

Brian kissed him back, at first, but Justin's attempt as distracting him didn't last long. Wrenching himself from the kiss, he pushed Justin away. "Stop it."

Stumbling, Justin could only stare up at him in shock, his expression turning into horror when Brian walked into the bedroom and returned with his jacket.

This was not happening. No fucking way. He wouldn't let it.

Rational thought gone, he rushed towards Brian and grabbed onto his forearms. "Don't go out."

"Justin," Brian tried to shake him loose.

He just held on tighter. "Stay here. Fuck me. Play with Gus. Handcuff me to the shower. Do whatever the fuck you want, but *please* don't go out."

Glaring, Brian shook harder, making them shuffle slowly across the loft. "Let fucking go."

"*Please*," he said desperately, "you can't do this every time you get bad news, Brian. One of the biggest stumbling blocks for most alcoholics is stress, and you're-"

"Jesus Christ," Brian interrupted, and stopped struggling. "Do you ever listen to yourself?" Justin was so stunned after that that Brian was able to free himself easily, but he barely moved away, throwing his jacket onto the floor. "You've been the same since that first night," he ranted, "Justin Taylor's PSA's - like no one else ever knows any of this shit. It's like fucking an encyclopedia."

He'd definitely never been called that before.

"Do you really think," Brian continued, pointing at him with two fingers, "that you're the only one who knows anything about alcoholism? That reading articles and books and whatever the fuck else you've been looking at gives you some great insight into the reality? Into actually living with it?"

Justin's anger flared up, and he gave back just as good at he was getting it. "I haven't lived with it? I haven't lied next to you listening to you throw up all over yourself? I haven't seen you be so drunk that you left the loft door open, leaving yourself at risk to God knows what kind of danger? I've never had to clean up your vomit, or lie that you were fine, or watch you go through withdrawal, or do things that made me sick to my stomach and cried myself to sleep because I was so fucking afraid you'd end up killing yourself?" Pausing, panting for breath, Justin didn't care this time about the tears threatening to fall - he was proud of them. "I never did any of that. I never did anything at all."

The words seemed to hit home with Brian, the anger in his face faltering, replaced by surprise - like he hadn't really thought about it in detail before, what Justin had been going through.

Seeing Brian's anger fade made Justin's do the same, and he reached out again, this time to press their palms together and interlock their fingers. "You can fuck me," Justin said quietly, meeting Brian's gaze. "You can do anything you want to me. Just, please, don't start drinking again." Tugging Brian down, he released his hands and shifted until they were hugging, and when his mouth was near Brian's ear he whispered four words:

"I'll be your addiction."

Yanking away instantly, Brian looked horrified. "Jesus Christ. Jesus *Christ*!" he yelled, leaving Justin dumbfounded as he pulled away from him and strode across the loft. Looking pissed again, edgy, he turned back and pointed at Justin. "You don't get to do that. You do *not* get to fucking do that."

What the fuck? "Do what?"

"You're not fucking handing yourself over on a silver platter. You're just not. Have I taught you nothing?"

"You taught me to be my own man," Justin argued, "and this is *my* choice."

"That is so fucked up I don't even know where to start," Brian threw his hands up. "And it wouldn't fucking work anyway. Drinking and fucking you are not the same thing."

It was actually kind of nice that Brian said that, but he was clearly on a roll and Justin wanted to keep him focused on talking instead of going out. "Why not?" he goaded.

"Because when I'm fucking you I can't not-!" Stopping abruptly, he turned away and cursed.

Can't not what? Can't not *what*?

Pacing back and forth, full of nervous energy, Brian eventually collapsed on the steps near the bathroom, burying his face in his hands.

Justin was still trying to figure out what the fuck Brian had been saying. Slowly approaching from the side, he quietly sat next to Brian on the steps. If Brian considered drinking and fucking him different, what made them different as forms of release? Brian had turned to alcohol when things went bad; when he wanted an escape, when he didn't want to feel anything, and then it became a habit.

"You're not supposed to care about me this fucking much," Brian muttered.

Thinking about it for a moment, Justin studied his bent head. "Can't help it. I'm sure there are a lot of things that've happened that weren't supposed to since I came along." Not that his ego was *that* big, but he doubted anyone had ever pushed Brian as much as he had. More often than not, everyone else bought the bullshit act.

Lifting his head slightly, Brian let out a quiet laugh and looked towards the kitchen. "Gus has that effect. I wasn't supposed to feel anything. I wasn't supposed to feel anything at all."

And then it hit him.

"Because when I'm fucking you I can't not feel anything."

Biting his lip, Justin fought to keep the reaction to that realistion from his face. "Are you going out?"

Sighing, Brian lifted his head completely. "I wasn't going anywhere." At Justin's confused look, he continued. "I was getting my cigarettes, which were still in my jacket pocket. I was going for a smoke - outside, so it wouldn't bother Gus. I wasn't fucking going anywhere."

But...but...Justin was pretty sure his eyes widened to record levels, and he felt pretty fucking stupid, too. "Why the fuck didn't you say anything?"

"You were being a demanding shit," Brian explained like that was a good answer, "and a complete princess. *You* try talking any sense into that combination."

Covering his face with his hands, Justin groaned quietly. "Daph's right - I am a drama queen."

Brian didn't deny it, but he probably just thought it wasn't necessary.

Knowing better than to apologise, Justin pulled his hands away and slumped against Brian. The quiet company was nice; even better when Brian shifted and wrapped an arm around him, and it would've been easy to forget how they got there in the first place.

"That sucks about your dad, Brian."

He felt the shrug and the words accompanying it; the tone vibrating through Brian's body. "Guess so."

Closing his eyes, Justin placed a hand on Brian's leg and squeezed once. Brian's arm tightened around him in reply, and nothing else needed to be said.

That, of course, was the moment Gus started crying again.

 

*

 

Brian was in a relatively good mood on Saturday morning - although the blowjob Justin had given him probably helped. Justin 'assisted' again while Brian changed, fed and burped Gus (all images that never failed to make him grin), and when Brian showered afterwards Justin spent time with Gus, feeling a little guilty about arguing in front of him the night before.

The two of them were sprawled out on the rug, wearing what Justin suspected were equally stupid grins - though Gus, at least, had a good excuse. Not caring either way, Justin helped him play with the toys Linds had brought with her. Gus was most fascinated with a plastic ring that rattled when he shook it, and he spent most of his time alternating between shaking it and biting it.

Well, gumming it mostly.

Justin kept talking nearly all the time, figuring it'd only help Gus learn to talk faster. He rambled on about life in general - school, work, how much Gus' moms and dad loved him, how he was so lucky because whatever he was in life, they would always accept him.

He only realised Brian was there when the man in question lowered his body down next to them, propping himself up on the floor. "You getting all sentimental on my kid, Sunshine?"

Justin stuck his tongue out. "Just talking. They say hearing people talk a lot at a young age helps develop speech and improve syntax."

"Great, so Gus'll end up sounding like a pretentious twat."

Hey! "I do *not* sound like a-"

"Where do you get all that information you come out with, anyway? Or do you just do way too much reading?" Gus shook his rattle, drawing Brian's attention. "Hey, Sonny Boy. You think that's it? Too much reading?" More rattling. "Yeah, I think he needs to get out more too. How does Woody's sound sometime soon?" Another. "Excellent choice."

It was almost like they'd rehearsed it, but that wasn't what was important right now. "Woody's?" Brian seriously wanted to go to Woody's? To drink? Fear lodged in his throat. "Brian-"

"Calm down, drama queen. I just wanna check it out. Play some pool. Maybe see the boys."

In theory it sounded good. Brian still wasn't often going anywhere other than work, the diner or the gym. But...it was Woody's. A bar. With alcohol. Was this because of his dad's news? "Are you sure you're ready?" he asked, anxious. Knowing Brian hated talking about it. "It wasn't all that long ago you relapsed, and-"

"I know," he cut Justin off, head tilted down with his eyes closed. "I need to do this."

Control.

Okay.

They could give it a shot. But... "Can you do me a favour?"

"Depends what it is." Eyes open now.

Justin managed an exasperated laugh. Brian would never stop being Brian. "Wait a little longer? We'll go, just...really make sure you're ready. Please?"

Quiet for a while, Brian still didn't look up, playing tug of war with the rattle with Gus. "I'll think about it," he said eventually, Gus 'winning' the battle with an excited squeal.

That was a yes.

Feeling better about the situation, Justin picked up a cuddly frog and threw it at Brian. "So what's the plan today?"

Brian threw it back.

The plan, apparently, was the diner, and Justin found himself there a few hours later surprised to see a familiar face. Vic didn't come into the diner very often and Justin plopped himself down next to him enthusiastically. "Hey, Vic!"

Smiling, Vic looked from Justin to Brian and Gus, who were settling in on the other side of the table. "Well, if it isn't the three hottest guys on all of Liberty Avenue."

"It isn't," Brian retorted, tugging Gus' beanie off. "It's the three hottest guys in all of Pittsburgh."

"Just Pittsburgh?" Justin mock-pouted, earning himself a rare Brian grin.

"Honestly, Gus," Vic sighed heavily, addressing the baby, "I don't know how you put up with these two."

"Easy," Brian shrugged. "He likes to watch."

"You better be talking about Teletubbies," Deb interrupted as she approached the table, fussing over Gus as if he hadn't been there just last night. "Heeeelllo, beautiful. Did you sleep well? Yes you did, you *did*."

Gus gurgled happily. So did Deb.

Brian shook his head. "It's like watching two members of an alien race communing with each other."

Justin tried not to laugh and didn't get very far.

Still talking with her baby voice, Deb rubbed Gus' tummy through his clothes, blocking most of Justin's view. "If your daddy wants any coffee he'd better stop acting like an asshole, isn't that right? Yes it iiiiis."

He didn't seem bothered. "If his first word word is asshole and Mel blames me, I'm sending her to you."

Hmpfhing, Deb straightened up and pulled out her order pad. "You want your usual, Sunshine?"

He nodded. "Thanks, Deb."

"And you," she addressed Brian, "I suppose you want your boring, no-calorie, taste-free on-rye sandwich?"

"Why, Deb," he said mockingly, "it's almost like you've known me since I was fourteen."

"It does seem that way, doesn't it?" she asked rhetorically, reaching out to ruffle his hair with one hand before leaving the table.

Frozen for a moment, Brian then reached up both hands to flatten his hair. "What is with her lately?" he tried to ask lightly, but the look he shot Justin held another question entirely: Does she know?

As far as Justin was concerned, if she did know there was no way in hell she wouldn't have said anything to him yet. And he knew for a fact that he certainly hadn't told her, so he simply shrugged.

When Gus yelled and kicked out his feet for attention, Brian got distracted and Justin felt a discrete nudge from Vic's elbow. Meeting Vic's gaze, Justin got the message and pretended to glance around the diner. "You know, it looks pretty busy at the moment. I think I'll give Deb a hand."

Brian barely noticed, wrapped up in entertaining his son. "Sure."

Deb appreciated the help but Justin was only half there; his attention kept returning to Vic's table, wondering exactly what it was he wanted to say. Would Vic talk about Brian's drinking problem? Justin doubted it and anyway, at the moment he was actually hoping more that Brian would talk to Vic about his father. Maybe Vic had somehow known something was wrong.

Well, something more than usual.

Since waking up that morning neither one of them had mentioned Brian's dad at all, and it couldn't be ignored forever - much as they both might like to forget that Jack Kinney had ever turned up last night.

So he kept staring over at the table while he was working until Deb started giving him funny looks. Realising his lunch would go cold if he avoided them forever, he slid in next to Vic and smiled too enthusiastically.

"Hey!"

Brian sipped his coffee in response.

Vic just smiled enigmatically.

Justin realised he was surrounded by impossible men and defiantly took a bite out of his lukewarm cheeseburger.

Neither one of them seemed particularly impressed.

*

"Vic knows."

Justin didn't insult Brian by asking exactly what he was referring to. It wasn't his dad. "Oh." Of course, he also didn't know exactly what to say, either.

After leaving the diner they'd stopped by the park for a while - Gus wasn't old enough to play with the other kids there, but he still found it fun - before driving back to the loft. It'd be time for Gus' afternoon nap soon.

Neither one of them had said much at all, and since parking Brian hadn't made a single move to get out of the Jeep.

"Did he tell you that?" Justin found it a little hard to believe.

"Not exactly," Brian replied, staring out through the windshield. "But he managed to let me know that he knows."

That sounded a lot like Vic. "I didn't tell him," Justin swore, worried that Brian might think he had.

"I know," Brian paused, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel once. "Anyone else know apart from Emmett?"

Guilt thrummed through Justin's body - that he hadn't been able to do this without help, that he had to involve someone else and expose Brian's secret. It was stupid to feel that way, he knew that - all that ultimately mattered was that Brian got help - and most of the time it didn't bother him too much, but no attempt at rational thought made him feel better just then. "Not that I know of."

Nodding, Brian said, "Vic thinks I should come out to my dad," and climbed out of the Jeep.

Obviously that conversation *had* come up after all.

Justin's mind was racing as they disconnected Gus' car seat and carried him into the loft. He barely spoke a word as Brian checked if Gus needed anything before putting him down for a nap. Gus only fussed a little, and when Brian stepped up into the bedroom with the carrier Justin stared after him, thinking.

Brian coming out to his dad would obviously be huge. It was huge for anyone at all, but Brian had made the occasional hint that his father had been physically abusive. Normally Justin would've been the first to encourage anyone to be who they really were, to stop hiding the truth, but if that bastard laid a single hand on Brian...

Fear and anger urging him on, Justin tugged off his sneakers and stepped into the bedroom. Gus was in his carrier by Brian's side of the bed, and Brian himself was sprawled out on his back, looking like he really wanted a cigarette.

Crawling onto the bed, Justin snuggled up against Brian's left side, relieved when he didn't immediately pull away. They stayed there in silence for a while, not looking at each other, until Justin finally asked the question he'd been thinking ever since Brian'd left the Jeep.

"What do you want to do? About your dad?"

Sighing, Brian managed an almost-shrug. "Fuck knows."

Knowing from past experience that was about as much as Brian would discuss the situation at the moment, Justin shifted up the bed and started planting kisses on Brian's chin.

Brian hmmed. "Mr Taylor, are you trying to distract me?"

There was no point in denying it, and he didn't really want to anyway. "It seems you've discovered my fiendish plan." Another kiss. "I assume I'll have to be punished."

"Naturally," Brian retorted, moving suddenly and flipping Justin onto his back. For all Brian's well-deserved noteriety for fucking, sometimes there was nothing better than just kissing him.

Justin was the luckiest boy in all of gay Pittsburgh.

 

*

 

The knocking on the loft door came as a rude awakening.

Having made out with Brian for what felt like hours, Justin eventually fell asleep lying half on top of him. It was just about the most content he'd ever felt, and when the loud, repetitive knocking jolted him out of sleep, he moaned in complaint.

Then moaned again when Gus started crying.

Muttering, Brian started dislodging Justin. "Shit, we were out for a while. He probably needs changing anyway." Running a hand through his hair - Justin loved his bed head look but would never, ever tell him that - Brian sighed. "I'll get Gus. You kill whoever's at the door."

Amused, Justin slid off of Brian, then the bed, and scurried across the loft, barely stifling a yawn as he started pulling open the door. "Here, I'm here," he said around an unsuccessfully-stifled yawn this time, just wanting the noise to stop. It did, and when Justin saw who was standing there he frowned. "Mel. You're back early."

Doing some frowning of her own, Mel looked into the loft like she was about to brush by him. "Is Brian here? If he's left you alone with Gus..."

"He's here," Justin promised, stopping the rant before it really started - and wondering what *would* have been wrong in leaving just him with Gus. "And I'd never do anything to hurt Gus."

Shaking herself out of her reverie, Mel studied him apologetically. "Oh, honey, I know how much you care about him. I'm sorry, I just..." Closing her eyes, she sighed before opening them again. "I just spent more than twenty-four hours with my mother, which is more than anyone should have to spend with her in an entire lifetime."

Understanding the frustration, Justin smiled and stepped back out of the way. "Come in."

"Mel!" Brian's voice declared, making them both turn to see him walking towards them, holding Gus. It was only then that Justin realised that Gus had stopped crying. "I see you've returned from the mother ship early. What happened? They realise you had no interest in a rectal probing?"

Sometimes Brian really didn't make life easy for himself.

Justin would've expected Mel to rise to the bait, but this time she didn't - instead staring at Brian's hair before looking at Justin and moving back to Brian's hair again. "Jesus Christ, Brian - is he just here so you can fuck while you're supposed to be looking after your son?"

Expression darkening, Brian handed Gus over to Justin. Getting the message, Justin took Gus back into the bedroom and gave the two of them some privacy. He figured he was doing a pretty good job of distracting Gus, but Justin could still hear everything Brian and Mel were saying.

"One, you're never bitching at me in front of my kid again, and two, don't tell me you and Linds never munched with Gus in the same room because I don't fucking believe it."

"Whatever Linds and I did is none of your Goddamned business, and-"

"Actually," he interrupted, "it's none of your business anymore either. Not since you fucked around."

"And what would *you* know about monogamy?" she argued. "Don't tell me you suddenly believe in it; that you of all people are actually *judging* me for sleeping with someone."

"Don't be fucking ridiculous," he retorted. "You're both idiots for agreeing to monogamy in the first-"

"Although..." Now it was Mel's turn to interrupt. And she sounded smug. Incredibly smug. "When was the last time you fucked someone who wasn't Justin?"

Oh, shit.

Worried, Justin started bouncing Gus on his knee.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Yeah, Brian sounded about as pleased as Justin thought he would. He really didn't want Brian to get into some great descriptive list of all the guys he'd fucked who weren't Justin.

"All Michael's talked about for weeks now is that you're never at Woody's or Babylon anymore. That you're never in the backroom or in a toilet cubicle getting sucked off. In fact, you never seem to do anything 'fun' anymore."

Brian sounded bored. "You really think those are the only two places in Pittsburgh that I can pick up guys?"

Mel ignored the question - she was clearly intent on finishing what she'd started. "Or *maybe*," she continued smugly, "that little kid has got you wrapped around his little finger." She snorted. "More likely his cock."

Groaning quietly, Justin tried to take some joy out of how happy Gus seemed to be at the moment. Mel knew exactly how to press all of Brian's buttons - implying monogamy, attacking his 'studhood' - and the outcome wasn't going to be pretty. In fact, it was going to be so far from pretty that even Brian might look pretty fucking ugly.

And then Brian said,

"Nice try, Mel."

Justin blinked, and Brian kept talking.

"I applaud your valiant efforts to try and piss me off, but I know *you're* pissed off at life in general and I'm not fucking falling for it. Take it out on someone else." Justin shook his head to clear it; making sure he wasn't hallucinating. Brian not arguing with Mel was like Brian not liking cock - impossible. "And though it's none of your fucking business where I go and what I do when I'm not with Gus, I haven't been going to clubs and bars lately because I'm an alcoholic. Recovering."

Holy.

Fucking.

Shit.

Justin moved off the bed so quickly he nearly fell over. Securing Gus into his carrier, he all but ran out of the bedroom empty-handed to find Brian and Mel standing a few feet apart. Mel looked stunned, and Brian looked vaguely bored - although he was clearly anything but.

"Go ahead," Brian taunted, not looking away from Mel at all. "This is the part where you tell me how I deserve it. That it was only a matter of time until something like this happened."

Mel didn't say anything like that at all, finally jolting out of her shock and walking towards Brian until she was scant inches away. "Have you ever, *ever* been drunk when you've looked after Gus?"

If he said yes, Justin had no doubt Mel would've disembowled Brian right there with the nearest blunt object.

"No," Brian swore, and there was absolutely no doubt he was telling the truth.

Mel stared at him for a long, long time before seeming to accept it. "Who else have you told?"

"Technically," Brian laughed dryly, "you're the first person I've told."

"But not the first person who knows."

Brian shrugged. "Emmett knows. Vic figured it out. Justin..." He flicked his gaze towards Justin before quickly moving it away. "He knew before I did."

"Really?"

"He's an observant little fucker."

Justin felt pleased by that statement, but he also felt a stunned sense of disbelief. He still couldn't believe Brian had told anyone at all - had actually said the words I'm an alcoholic. Least of all to Mel.

Mel seemed to be having the same problem wrapping her mind around the situation. "So...the one person you've told is the one person who likes you the least?"

He shrugged. "Save the worst for first."

Mel gave him the finger.

The earlier argument having deflated and Mel and Justin obviously still feeling surprised, Brian told them to sit the fuck down. Mel actually did what he said and headed towards the sofa - after stepping into the bedrom to get Gus. Justin, of course, wasn't going anywhere, still standing by Brian while he slid the door shut.

Looking vaguely uncomfortable, Brian scratched the back of his head and tried not to look at him. "Where's Gus?"

"With Mel. Brian..." he so wasn't letting him get away with changing the subject. "I...*why*?" This was such a huge change from the last time they'd talked about it.

Sighing, Brian stared off to one side. "Look, they would've figured it all out eventually. Vic and Emmett already know. Mikey knows something's wrong. Nosey fuckers that they are, they would've worked it out and probably tried to treat me like I was about to fall apart or some shit like that. This way I get to control how they find out and tell them upfront not to treat me any fucking differently."

Control again.

It was something Justin never, ever would've expected but the reasoning was so completely Brian that it actually made sense. "You really *don't* like being predictable, do you?"

"Yeah, that's it," Brian grinned even as he rolled his eyes, "I did this just to keep you on your toes."

He didn't object when Justin reached up to hug him, although he did make a point of coping a feel - probably to make it seem less sentimental than it was. Justin didn't care, and cared even less when he felt a few tears start to fall.

"Justin?" Brian asked quietly, obviously noticing. "What the fuck?"

"It's nothing," Justin pulled back, shaking his head and wiping at his face. But it wasn't nothing. It was being so *fucking* proud he thought he'd burst, that Brian had actually been able to come this far at all, that it wasn't going to be some big, dirty secret anymore. That Brian had no need to be ashamed of it.

"Nothing your magnificent ass," Brian argued, pulling him back for another hug.

Clinging tightly, Justin closed his eyes and exhaled heavily. Saying nothing for a while, Brian just kept holding him. Eventually he moved his head until his mouth was next to Justin's ear.

"Silly twat."

Laughing once, Justin placed a wet kiss on Brian's shirt. "Love you too, asshole."

Brian slapped him on the ass.

But that was all.

 

*

 

Mel was kind of...*nice* to Brian after that. Not that she stopped thinking he was an asshole - that much was clear. They still called each other names and mocked each others issues, but instead it felt like a comfortable routine. Like something they were used to doing, with no genuine feeling behind it.

Well, not much genuine feeling behind it.

There was, certainly, conflict when Mel declared that seeing as she was back early, she could take Gus home with her immediately. Brian and Justin both resisted - Brian mostly using bad language - but eventually they reached a compromise. They'd keep Gus for another night, and Mel would pick him up in the morning and take him back to her cousin's with her. She'd been living there ever since she and Linds had separated.

By the time she left it was nearly 7pm, and both men slumped down onto the sofa together, staring at Gus as he gurgled from the comfort of his carrier.

"So," Justin began, bringing up the subject that'd never been far from his mind, "how are you gonna tell the others?" He still couldn't believe it.

Brian pretended to think about it. "Full page spread in Out." Holding up his arm, he moved his hand from left to right as if to demonstrate a headline. "'Kinney's An Addict - And It's Not Sex'."

Barely stifling a chuckle, Justin twisted his head towards him, resting it on Brian's shoulder. "Make sure they don't over-charge you."

"They'll be paying *me* for the exclusive."

"Of course," Justin sighed, kind of content. This whole thing was so weird - Brian actually making plans to tell his friends the truth. But if it was what he needed to do Justin would go along with it every step of the way. The reality of actually telling everyone probably wouldn't be that easy, but he had no doubt that Brian knew that. If they needed to deal with or talk about it when the time came, they would. Or at least Justin would, and Brian would simply have to listen to him. "What now?"

"Now?" Brian asked. "Now *you* do your homework."

Well that seemed totally unfair. "Brian, it's Saturday..."

"Do you not normally do the bulk of your homework on a Saturday?"

Time for another tack. "I'm with you and Gus."

"That first one is hardly unusual, and I'm perfectly capable of entertaining myself. As for Gus," he gestured towards his son, his carrier resting on the coffee table, "right now he seems to be more fascinated with his own snot than in discovering what you're up to."

Babies could be totally gross sometimes. Still... "I'll suck you off."

"Is that supposed to be a threat?"

Good point. "I *won't* suck you off."

Brian wasn't having it. "Homework. Now. Or Gus'll throw snot at you."

Babies weren't the only ones who could be totally gross sometimes. "You'll regret this when I won't let you fuck me later."

"Yeah, like that'll happen."

Completely expectedly, Brian turned out to be right.

*

Justin moped when Mel took Gus the next morning. He still didn't want to be a full-time parent - or even a part-time parent, really - but he definitely missed Gus when he wasn't there. Brian moped too, just in different ways. They mostly consisted of fucking the shit out of Justin on every available surface, and Justin really didn't mind that form of pain management at all.

Eventually, however, Brian started to get antsy; snapping at him over stupid things and Justin quickly recognised the signs - he needed to be alone. He'd had a lot of company over the past few days, in Brian terms, and he simply wasn't used to it.

Leaving Brian with a particularly hot kiss to remember him by, Justin headed off to the diner. He'd told Deb on Friday evening that he might not be able to make his Sunday shift - Gus was an excellent excuse - but he could at least see if she wanted him to lend a hand for a while.

Surprised to see him when he walked in, Deb immediately pulled him into a hug. "Sunshine, what're you doing here? Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," he promised, extracting himself from her hold. "Mel came back early, so we figured she should spend some time with Gus too." Personally, he doubted Mel got to spend a lot of time with Gus since the break-up. "Anyway, I thought I'd see how things are here. Need a hand?"

"Bless you!" she mock-prayed, clasping her hands together. Justin laughed and pulled his jacket off.

When Em turned up for lunch he all but jumped on Justin, demanding details of the weekend with Brian. Taking his break, Justin divulged all he could in that time - including Brian's 'coming out' to Mel.

Eyes wide, Em lifted his hand to his throat in shock - although not quite for the reason Justin thought. "Mel? Of all the people he could've told, he chose *Mel*?"

Justin grinned. "You almost sound offended."

"I am!" he insisted. "Why couldn't he have told *me*?"

Now he was just being ridiculous, and they both knew it. "Because you already knew?"

"Oh pish," Em pretended to argue, waving a fork around, "that's never the same as hearing the news first hand. Anyway," he picked up his knife and cut neatly into a waffle, "tell me more about this fabulous fuck session. And don't forget to include any and all tongue-usage."

By the time Justin finished working, he was in a remarkably good mood and was glad he'd gone. Catching up with Emmett had been great, and not a single customer had tried to grope his ass. Hopeful that he had another hot session with Brian to look forward to, he practically bounced up the stairs to the loft.

Before he could even knock on the door it began to slide open, and Justin's smile faded the moment he saw Brian's expression.

Realising Justin was just outside the door, Brian froze. "Didn't expect you back this soon."

"Just helped out for a while," Justin murmured, staring up at him. "Where are you...?" No. He didn't need to ask. Judging by the blankness on Brian's face, he knew exactly where he was going. He didn't know how or why he'd made the decision, but he at least knew his destination. "Want me to come with you?" Justin knew Brian would probably refuse, but he had to offer. "I can wait in the car." And frankly, he was worried about what Brian would do if things didn't go well.

Shaking his head, Brian released his hold on the door, leaning against the doorway. "This...thing." He looked down. "Recovery. Part of it's trust, right?"

Where was he going with this? "Right."

"You have to trust that I'm not gonna fuck up again. But I have to earn it. So I have to go alone."

There was that Brian logic again. "You don't have to do anything alone."

"I know," Brian said, finally looking back up. "That's why you're gonna be waiting for me. In my bed. With your ass lubed and ready."

Justin's cock twitched. "You sure know how to romance a guy."

"I know - I've been doing it for years."

Managing to huff out a laugh, Justin reached out and placed a hand on Brian's arm. "I *will* be here when you get back. For whatever you need." He didn't let any doubt, any fear show, letting Brian know that he had faith in him.

"Like I said before," Brian retorted, looking uncomfortable, "silly twat."

"Yeah," Justin agreed with a small smile. "That's the only reason I've stuck around this long."

Naturally, the moment Brian left Justin started to freak out. Not that he didn't trust Brian; he just didn't trust *life*. It always seemed to be fucking with Brian, delivering bad news, pushing his limits.

Brian was kind of OCD about keeping his loft clean, but Justin somehow found something to clean anyway. After that he called Daph, listening to her squeal about her SAT scores and pretending he wasn't worried about anything - which didn't help. After *that* he called Em and panicked down the phone, while Em kept assuring him that everything was going to be fine.

Em was trying to distract him with tales of sex with Steve when the loft door started sliding open.

"Gotta go!" Justin yelled, hanging up the phone and running towards the door. Brian had been gone for a grand total of one hour and eight minutes. Not so long, really, but from the expression on Brian's face, also long enough to be a lifetime.

That wasn't all Justin saw on Brian's face.

A bruise.

There was a bruise just under Brian's left eye. It wasn't huge but it was there, and it sure as fuck hadn't been there before he left to see his dad.

Mother fucking piece of shit!

"You could say," Brian sounded exhausted, "that it didn't go well."

Not finding anything remotely funny, Justin took Brian's jacket and ordered him to sit down on a stool by the kitchen counter. Yanking open the freezer, he pulled out a chunk of ice, wrapping it in a towel before handing it to Brian. He didn't wait any longer to start the interrogation.

"Did he do that to you?"

Holding the towel carefully against his face, Brian hissed slightly anyway. "No, it was a giant squirrel."

"Brian!" Justin couldn't believe that even Brian would joke about this.

"Well who the hell else do you think did it? Jesus, what a dumb question."

Okay. Maybe he had a point. Maybe. Besides, all that mattered was...Jack Kinney had hit Brian. Hit his own son. He hit *Brian*. "What happened?" Regardless, Justin still felt the urge to kick the shit out of Brian's dad.

"He didn't take it well."

"*Brian*..." Justin wanted details.

"I told him," he sighed, giving in, still holding the ice to his face. "He said I should be the one dying instead of him." Jesus Christ. What kind of father *said* something like that? "And..."

"What?"

"He..." Brian paused, slumping. "He said some shit about you. Figured out who you were. Accused me of molesting you."

Mother fucker. Biting his lip, Justin swallowed harshly. "What did you say?"

He actually produced a smirk. "That you're eighteen and love taking it up the ass. That was when he punched me. Or tried to. I saw it coming - he's not as fast as he used to be."

Understanding the smirk, Justin still didn't produce one of his own, instead pulling Brian into a hug. It was kind of awkward - Brian was still on his stool, still holding the towel and wasn't hugging him back - but he didn't care. "I love you," Justin whispered. "I love you so much. Your dad doesn't know shit."

Brian didn't say anything; didn't try to hug him back. He just let Justin hold him. When he spoke eventually, Justin tried not to notice that his voice was rougher than usual. "Are all my requirements for my return in place?"

"Not the naked and in bed part," Justin replied enthusiastically, trying to sound cheerful, "but that can be fixed in about ten seconds."

And it was.

*

After they fucked, and Justin pretended not to notice that Brian was shaking as he lay on top of him, the two of them wrapped around each other in the blue glow of the light above Brian's bed.

"Why'd you decide to tell your dad? What made you do it?" He still didn't know and he was curious. Even if Brian didn't give him an answer, at least he'd asked.

Brian didn't reply. Brian didn't even blink, as if he hadn't heard a single word.

And then he did reply.

"He never knew me. He never knew me at all."

 

*

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