Disclaimer – MGM/Gekko/Double Secret own the characters. Though they may not want to.
NC-17 parody. I can't believe I wrote this.
*
"Oooo, Jack," She gasped, arching her lithe, slim body towards him. "Fuck me. Now."
Jack O'Neill decided he was having a very good day. It'd started heading that way when Sam had let him know in her extra subtle way, that when they went off world he'd be getting lucky: "Lose the Jaffa and the Kelownan and I'll let you do me against a tree."
So, after happily skipping through the gate, he'd been thrilled to see a whole *forest* of trees! He'd immediately began eyeing each one, assessing them for support and stability.
But first, he'd needed to lose the Jaffa and the Kelownan.
"So T, Jonas, why don't you two go do something - each other, if you want - so *I* can do Carter against a tree?"
Teal'c had risen an eyebrow. In fact, now that Jack thought about it, it was always rose. Risen. Raised. "Can we not observe, O'Neill? I find the sight of yourself and Major Carter making love to be most moving."
"Usually because it's the Earth that's moving," Sam'd sighed happily, rubbing a hand along Jack's arm.
Part of Jack's body had throbbed. When he realised it was his finger where he'd cut it earlier, he stuck it in his mouth and sucked. "No, T," He'd murmured around what he was beginning to realise was an incredibly sexy finger... "You can't. Not after what happened last time."
Jonas pouted. "It was only a banana..."
"Turning up somewhere it *so* didn't belong," Jack argued, regretfully pulling his finger out. "Now get out of here!"
Teal'c took charge, ushering their newest team member away, draping an arm around his shoulder. "Come, Jonas Quinn."
"Where to?"
"Do you not mean 'who on'?"
Not even waiting until they were completely alone, Jack had turned back towards Sam, only to discover that she was rubbing her body against the nearest tree. He didn't quite understand it, but she had this thing for bark. And he didn't really *need* to understand, when she was moving her hips like that.
"Oooo, Jack," She gasped, arching her lithe, slim body towards him. "Fuck me. Now."
A very good day.
Leaving his shades and cap on (she liked it like that) he strode manfully towards her. Unbuttoning her pants he leant forward and kissed her, as his right hand slid beneath her panties to the fleshy treasure beneath.
As always she was ready for him already, his fingers sliding smoothly between her slick folds. Hell, she was so wet Jack could grab his bait box and do some fishing down there! Or maybe even a nice, leisurely swim.
"Jack," She panted, chest heaving. "I told you to fuck me."
Ah. Right. Removing his hand he noticed something was throbbing again. "Suck on my finger for me, will ya?"
Sam happily complied, taking the index finger of his right hand into her mouth, while her own hands eagerly freed his impressive member from its nest. "Fuck me," She mumbled around his finger.
Generally he wasn't good at following orders but this one he followed only too well, impaling her against the tree. They immediately found a rhythm as old as time itself, Sam crying out as her bare ass rubbed against the bark.
Jack heaved himself towards her, finally taking his finger out of her mouth so he could grab onto her hips. Driving, thudding, *pounding* into her.
Two pounds later and their worlds shattered as they dangled, hovered, and then jointly fell over the precipice, crying each other's names as he spurted into her and she milked him dry - just like a farmer.
It was amazing really how - with very little stimulation - they always tumbled towards ecstasy together.
Clearly it was meant to be.
Resting his weight against her and the tree, his love stick twitched back into life as she rocked her hips against him. She was so damn sexy, he was ready again.
Thank God for Viagra (and Doc, who'd given it to him).
Jack was all set to pound into her again, when she tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hey!" She hissed, pointing at something behind him. "Look!"
He looked at much as he could, turning just his head around. They'd been so lost in bliss that they'd completely missed the fact the gate had opened and now, even as he watched, the camera on the MALP whirred round to focus on them. Jack sighed. It had to be Davis again. Realising a few fucks ago just how the Sergeant got his kicks had been an interesting revelation. "Well," He turned back to look at her. "It's not like he's armed with a banana or anything..."
Sam agreed, grinning. "Let him watch." Grabbing his ass, she urged him to move. "Fuck me, Jack."
Somehow, Jack thought as he impaled her once again, that line was never gonna get old.
~FINIS