Disclaimer - MGM/Gekko/Double Secret own them.
Set in season six, I guess after the halfway point, though there are no specific spoilers.
Inspired by an article I read in the Daily Mail. You can guess what it was about, so this is not to be taken seriously ;) Feedback would be appreciated.
First part in the 'Remedied' series.
*
'Tests show that a man who has pent-up desire has difficulty hearing...'
*
"Huh," Jonas said with interest as he finished the latest paragraph.
Teal'c, obviously intrigued by his statement, spoke. "To what are you referring, Jonas Quinn?"
They were in the commissary, sharing a table. Jonas had initially been alone and when Teal'c had appeared he'd begun to fold his newspaper away - it'd be rude to keep reading while his friend was there. However, Teal'c had firmly insisted that he had his own reading material to go over, so now both men were sitting, reading and - occasionally - swallowing food.
He indicated towards his newspaper. "I've been reading an article regarding sexual desire in the human male; it's really quite interesting how the human view differs from the Kelownan."
"How so?"
"Well for example, according to this article a human male who suffers from pent-up desire loses the sharpness of some of his senses. On Kelowna - while I don't know about any 'official' research - it's widely regarded that being in that situation actually *heightens* your senses."
Teal'c pondered over the statement. "Among the Jaffa, that kind of energy is often put to productive use. The Goa'uld discovered many years ago that the...frustration...can improve a fighter's skill. For this reason, many Jaffa are not permitted to engage in sexual activities before facing what they know will be a lengthy battle."
"Including you?"
"Initially," He nodded, before smiling. "But there were certain advantages that came with being First Prime."
Jonas decided he wasn't going to ask.
Thankfully, he didn't have to, as they were suddenly interrupted by Colonel O'Neill slipping into the seat next to Teal'c's.
"Hey guys,"
"O'Neill."
"Colonel,"
He was tray-less, bringing with him only a dessert dish filled with fruit salad, and a handful of what were probably mission reports.
Glancing at Jonas' newspaper and Teal'c's magazine, the Colonel smirked. "We starting our own book club?"
"Technically O'Neill, neither one of us is actually reading a book."
"*Semantics*," He argued, shoving his fork into the fruit salad and digging out a piece of banana. "I tell ya, I can't wait until we get back in the field again. Paperwork is *so* not fun." He directed the fork into his mouth, pulling off the banana slice.
"Major Carter has assured us the gate diagnostics will only take another day."
"Yeah, it's not that long." Jonas agreed. "Besides, doesn't this happen every year?"
"Why yes Jonas, it *does* happen every year, but believe me - even *one* day feels like a lifetime when you have to go over mission reports that involve words like 'naquadriah' and 'theoretically'."
Jonas smiled, picking up his mug of tea but not sipping from it. "I take it they're Major Carter's."
"How'd you guess?" O'Neill responded, flicking open the top folder as his other hand stabbed a square of pineapple. "I swear she does this to me on purpose..."
As if having been summoned just by the use of her name, she appeared next to their table. "Major Carter,"
"Who else...oh." He finally realised it wasn't a question and that she was, in fact, right there. "Carter. Didn't see you there."
"Sir. Teal'c. Jonas."
"Major Carter."
Seeing that - with everybody's 'books' - there wasn't enough room for an entire tray, she began transferring the contents of her tray onto the table. When it became clear she was having trouble keeping it balanced, the Colonel grabbed hold.
"Here," He said, keeping the tray still so she could safely remove her plate of...oh, chicken. Smelt nice, from what Jonas could tell.
"Thanks," She smiled
"You bet," O'Neill nodded as she took the now-empty tray from him and discarded of it somewhere. When she was done, she sat in the last free seat left - next to Jonas. "So," The Colonel continued, "Thought you were giving the gate its twenty billion mile check-up."
Sam grinned, then shrugged. "Janet's forcing me to have a break."
"Wow, how'd she manage that?"
Rolling her eyes, she apparently humoured him. "If you must know..."
"I must."
"...then I'm not telling," And she promptly cut into her chicken breast.
Muttering - just for effect, Jonas had come to learn - O'Neill turned his attention back to the reports he was supposed to be reading for whatever reason.
Amused at the typical interaction, Jonas finally took a gulp of his tea only to wince - definitely needed sugar. Seeing that the sugar dispenser was nearest to the Colonel and that really, it'd be impolite to lean across Sam's food to get to it, he cleared his throat. "Colonel?"
O'Neill simply stared at the page he was reading, absently chewing on another banana slice.
Okay, maybe he was just interested in the report. "Colonel?"
Still no response. Frowning, he glanced at Teal'c and Sam: they seemed as confused as he was.
This time Sam spoke. "Colonel?"
His head shot up. "Yeah?"
"Are you all right?"
"Fine. Why?" He looked as if he genuinely didn't have any idea why they might think he *wasn't* all right.
"Jonas has been trying to get your attention."
Now doing his own share of frowning, the Colonel glanced towards him and shook his head. "Totally didn't hear you. What do you want?"
"Uh, just the sugar, thanks."
As Jonas took the sugar dispenser from Colonel O'Neill and passed it over the top of his mug, his gaze fell to the newspaper and three words in particular...
'has difficulty hearing'
Pausing, Jonas flicked his gaze towards the Colonel, then the newspaper, then back to the Colonel again.
Hmm...
*
'... has difficulty hearing, thinking...'
*
"You're the last one."
"I know."
"We're all done."
"I know."
"We're standing here, ready to go..."
"*Sir*."
"I'm just sayin'. You did promise."
Sam was either actually very annoyed, or very good at *looking* annoyed. Three members of SG-1 were hovering around the doorway of her lab, waiting for the fourth. He and Teal'c were just outside, Colonel O'Neill was just inside, and Major Carter was well inside, packing up something on her desk. "Nearly done, sir."
"Good. I mean...how often do we all go for a meal?"
In actuality, this was Jonas' first time going 'out' for a meal with the entire team and he had a feeling he wasn't being particularly good at hiding how much he was looking forward to it. It felt as if something had...changed, and he'd decided that could only be a good thing.
"I told you sir, I'm almost done. And besides," She piled something on top of something else, and then surprised everyone when she suddenly walked right into his personal space. "Whose fault is it that we *do* go for a meal so rarely?"
He didn't back off. "You're always working."
The Colonel's head was in the way, but Jonas imagined that she folded her arms and lifted her eyebrows. "And *you* always have an excuse."
"Excuse? Me? No, I just...uh..." He was obviously searching for something to say and, apparently, came up empty. "...er, I, oh did you hear my stomach rumbling just then? I must really be hungry." Turning away, he all but dived for the exit. "Let's go, kids!"
Jonas didn't move as the Colonel zoomed by, instead watching his departing back as it jogged towards the elevator.
And he frowned.
*
'... has difficulty hearing, thinking and driving.'
*
After spending the journey to the surface musing over what he remembered of the article (which, frankly, was everything), Jonas wasn't feeling particularly confident about Colonel O'Neill's driving skills.
True, he had no certain evidence that what he'd read in the article was actually what was affecting the Colonel; even if it did seem strangely coincidental...so he should simply trust him. That's what being part of a team was about.
So, after they cleared the facility, Jonas confidently climbed into the back seat with Teal'c deciding that - purely for research purposes - it wasn't a good idea to sit in the front.
The car rapidly screeched its way clear of Cheyenne Mountain, and Jonas hastily buckled his seatbelt.
The drive was spent mostly in silence and, as he did every time he came out here, Jonas gazed through the window; taking in the scenery, and eventually the buildings, people, pets, other traffic...that strange woman he saw in the same place every single time who seriously needed a good conditioner.
A few minutes later Colonel O'Neill turned onto a road that Jonas *definitely* hadn't been down before and his nose all but pressed up against the window, so when the car suddenly slammed to a halt his nostrils smeared across the glass.
"You IDIOT!" The Colonel bellowed, loudly honking his horn as Jonas rubbed at his nose. "Man, did you see the way that guy pulled right in front of me?! Does he even know what *planet* he's driving on? I mean seriously, does he-?"
"Sir,"
He stopped talking.
She didn't touch him. She didn't lean towards him. She just spoke.
"Are you hurt?"
"No, I...I'm fine, Carter. You?"
"Fine too. Guys?"
"We are uninjured, Major Carter."
Jonas decided not to point out his nose. It wasn't as if it were bleeding or anything...
"Good." She turned back to face Colonel O'Neill. "You okay to drive?"
"I'm good."
"Okay. Just let me know if-"
"Sure."
When he began driving again, it was just fractionally slower.
*
'He also suffers a form of time distortion, where three minutes feels like fifteen.'
*
"*What* is taking so long?"
"They said it'd only be another five minutes."
"We're supposed to have *reservations*. Does that word mean nothing to these people?"
Arriving at the restaurant after trying *not* to bolt out of the car, they'd soon discovered that their table wasn't ready yet. Jonas had been staring at the fish tank, but the Colonel, yet again, was making his opinion known.
Sam looked up at him. "Maybe if you'd stop yelling at people they'd be more co-operative."
He cleared his throat. "I was not yelling. I was...speaking with intent. What time is it?"
"You asked two minutes ago. And you're wearing a watch - check the time yourself."
He did. And sighed. "This is gonna take forever..."
Jonas couldn't help but think that was almost getting a little creepy. "Four minutes isn't really that long...but I guess it feels that way sometimes, huh?"
Turning away from Carter to study him, the Colonel frowned. "What are you *talking* about?"
"Oh, just how in 'certain' situations time feels as if it's passing much slower. I mean, haven't there ever been a few occasions where time seemed to...stand still?"
His frown deepened. "Well, I guess there have been..." He glanced back towards Sam, and that was all Jonas needed. "...a couple. Usually involving a briefing where you or Carter do a majority of the talking."
Jonas didn't mind. He knew by now that was how the Colonel worked; he rarely did compliments, or any overt sign of affection for any member of his team. It was simply his belief in them and that they'd get the job done that let them know at all.
Jonas knew he didn't fall into that category yet, and honestly didn't know if he ever would. But as they were told their table was ready and Colonel O' Neill and Sam led the way (with the Colonel's hand occasionally brushing against her back), he turned to Teal'c.
"Teal'c, is it just me or-?"
"It is not just you Jonas Quinn," Teal'c replied, and Jonas realised he'd been watching him watching *them* all along. "Unfortunately it is not a situation that can be remedied at present. For the time being, however," He began to step away. "I recommend you avoid any further such articles."
Probably a good idea.
~FINIS