Okay, this was written for my smoochie's challenge:
Write a story, 100-500 words, where all you reveal in the notes is what fandom you're writing. The rating gets to stay, for obvious reasons, but no pairings or warnings (and most especially not "Warning: Death fic.").
This way, people might be surprised, or if nothing else, uncertain of how it's going to end.
I went a little over 500. Oh well ;)
So...
Fandom: Stargate: SG-1.
Rating: PG-13 because I'm paranoid.
Spoilers for: Zero Hour.
And that's all you get to know!
Bonnie's fault. All of it.
*
Jack strode into the lab, surprised that there were no obvious signs of life.
Well, aside from the huge ass plant hanging from the ceiling, but he wasn't entirely sure if that qualified.
Where the hell was Lee? "Doc?" He peered into the murkiness. "Other doc whose name I don't know? *Anyone*?" He really did *not* need to be kept waiting. SG-1 were missing, no doubt being tortured by that bastard Ba'al, Camel-ass was being a pain in the ass, those alien dignitaries still hadn't settled their differences, and there was a giant plant not-so-slowly taking over his base. He hesitated for a second before quickly flicking the light on so he could check visually, just to make sure. Surely that wouldn't have *that* big an effect on...
Oh, how very wrong he was.
It was as if the plant had a sudden growth spurt and surged dramatically.
Crap.
Towards him.
Jack started backing away, his hand reaching for the light switch again - but something was behind him. It was behind him. It was *everywhere*.
Never having been assaulted by a plant before - this was a new one, even for him - and not entirely sure how to react, he found himself being pushed gently back against one of the machines that lined the walls in the lab. He had absolutely no idea what it did, but then he pretty much had absolutely no idea what *anything* in the lab did.
Maybe he could reason with it. "Uh, look. Plant...Mr or Mrs Plant. I really don't have time for this right now. Gimme say..." he made a show of looking at his watch, "oh, eight hours or so, and then I'll get right back to you. Sound good?"
The plant kept moving closer. Damn.
Okay, time for tactical assistance. "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! If anyone can hear me I'm being molested by a horny plan-"
The leaves touched his face.
Wow. That felt...*good*.
Jack cleared his throat. "A plant," he continued, his voice not quite as loud as before. "It's really quite dangerous."
Another brush against his face. It made him feel all...tingly. His entire body. "Um. I'm really in a lot of trouble." Brush, brush. It was rubbing against his entire body now. "I could use some assissss..." He was panting now, knowing that Lee would find the reaction the plant could provoke in a human just *fascinating* but not giving a damn if it kept moving...just...like...
"General O'Neill?!"
Shit! "Thank God!" That man had the *worst* timing in the *universe*. "Turn out the light, turn out the light!" He hoped like hell he sounded desperate because he was apparently under attack, not because he didn't want anyone to see the bulge in his pants.
The room went dark. The plant stilled.
Cursing softly, Jack extricated himself and brushed by Lee quickly. "Keep the light off!" he yelled as he went, wishing he'd followed that advice earlier. Idiot.
A few seconds later he was in the elevator, thankfully alone, and collapsed against the back wall. He just knew, he absolutely knew, that for the next few weeks his dreams were gonna be about nothing but erotic plants.
The plant was officially growing on him.
He was *so* screwed.
~FINIS