Disclaimer – MGM/Gekko/Double Secret own the characters. Though they may not want to.
Spoilers for 'Solitudes' and 'Metamorphosis'. Set sometime in season six after 'Metamorphosis'. Feedback would be appreciated.
This *so* wouldn't happen, but those of you who know about the letter know why I needed to write it {g} (it is, however, in no way connected to that).
*
Something was bugging her.
They'd been on the planet for thirteen hours, and not once had she asked a question, or expressed her fascination with something.
Yeah, something was *definitely* bugging her.
He sat across from her now on the opposite side of the campfire, absently chewing (figuratively; 'dinner' didn't have enough consistency to be chewy) his food. Night had settled in a little under three hours ago and already Teal'c was meditating and Jonas was sprawled out on his camping gear.
That boy really could snore.
It meant, of course, that it was just the two of them still up - normally a prospect he would have enjoyed. Not because anything would happen (frankly, the idea of anything actually happening was too ridiculous), but just being in her presence and not having to worry about anyone overhearing - even if he didn't say anything that was worth overhearing - had always been a balm, of sorts. Not necessarily for his soul, but definitely for his spirits.
He enjoyed spending time with her. Just her.
Tonight, however...since sitting down almost as soon as the sun disappeared she'd said barely a word, and had stared into the fire constantly. Jonas and Teal'c's wishes of a good nights sleep were met with barely a grunt, and the less said about his Tok'ra joke, the better.
He should have been annoyed. She wasn't giving their mission the full attention it deserved, but he had to admit it wasn't the most enthralling stuff. Jack had no doubt that had they been in a *real* situation her mind would have been front and centre, kicking Goa'uld ass - where it belonged.
But he couldn't just let her sit there, staring. He did have the responsibility to remind her that - hello? They were on a mission here!
Still, he hesitated, not sure he wanted to know exactly what was on her mind... "What's up?"
Damn mouth. It had the disturbing tendency to speak before his brain had prepared itself.
Finally dragging her gaze away from the flames, she frowned at him. "Sorry?"
Sighing and admitting to himself that yup - he was gonna do this, he cast his food aside. "Come on Carter - your body may be here, but your mind's been on another planet all day. Abydos, hopefully."
She managed a small smile, a sign of normalcy. "It's nothing."
Nice try. "One of the many things I've learned about you Carter, is that when you say it's nothing it's *never* just nothing." He couldn't help it - Niirti's fortress sprang to mind. Carter, wincing in pain, trying to hide. Always trying to hide. "Come on."
"Sir..."
"You can trust me."
"Please,"
He could tell from her tone of voice that not only did she want him to drop it, but that seriously - he *should* drop it. But, like a man jumping off a bridge only to find his bungee cord wasn't properly attached, it was far too late. At this point, there was no way to stop. He just *had* to know. "I won't tell a soul."
"Really, this won't be of interest to you."
"You're a member of my *team*, Carter. Of course it's of interest to me...well, unless it relates to naquadah, naquadriah or other scientific endeavours." He teased further. "I'm good at keeping secrets - just ask Teal'c. You don't know about that cuddly toy he sleeps with, right?"
Ah ha - she grinned. "This isn't in quite the same league as Teal'c's cuddly toy obsession."
His own faint smile suddenly vanished, as a thought struck him. Fear clawed at his stomach. "It's not...serious, is it?"
She blinked, as if trying to comprehend what he was saying. Her eyed widened. "God, no! No, it's nothing like that."
The relief was jointly overwhelming and disturbing - but when it came to her, it'd already been like that for a long time. "Good. That's good." Damn. Why did he do that to himself? "So..."
"Sir..."
He did seriously have a point. "Carter, you've been off your game all day. That in itself should make its way into my report."
Wincing, she glanced away, her voice soft when she eventually responded. "I'm sorry. I never meant to let you down."
Wow. There were words he *never* expected to come out of her mouth. "Dammit!" Pushing himself up, he walked around the fire and deliberately sat next to her, on the log. "You have *never* let me down, and I doubt you ever will. It's just...something's bugging you. And when something bugs you, it bugs me." He couldn't help but notice the way she inched away from him.
She didn't bother asking why it should bug him - he figured she didn't have to. "I appreciate that sir, really, but I don't think-"
He was tumbling way, way over. "Carter,"
"Sir,"
"Tell me."
"I-"
"Tell me."
"You don't want-"
"Tell me."
"You *really* don't want-"
"Yes, I do. *Tell* me."
She did:
"I miss sex."
While his mouth - hanging wide open such as it was - was a perfect place for his brains to dribble out of, it instead felt as if they were coming out of his eyes, nose, and ears. Of all the things he might have expected her to say right then, that one didn't even rank. "Uh..." Crap, crap, crap! He was such an idiot! He leapt up and away. "I am such a jackass!" Quickly realising that could have woken the boys up, he lowered his tone and said it again entirely to himself. "I am *such* a jackass." It was *so* none of his business. Dammit...
"Yes, you are."
Spinning round, he saw that of all things, Carter looked *amused*. "Uh look, forget that I asked. Forget that you told me. In fact, forget that any of this-"
"It started after Niirti. After what she...did to me."
Carter, wincing in pain, trying to hide.
He butted in. "You don't have to-"
"When we came back," The floodgates had, apparently, been opened. And who knew? Maybe she needed to tell someone.
But did it really have to be him?
She pressed on, probably oblivious to his internal debate. "And ever since, I've been...aware of my body."
Still standing up, he cleared his throat. What the hell was he supposed to say? "After a close brush with death, especially one where your body was melting, I guess it's not all that surpris-"
"*Really* aware," She interrupted. "Janet didn't find anything unusual so most likely it's entirely psychological."
Despite his attempts at an explanation he didn't really get it. He was well aware of normal uh, 'urges', and he was presuming that it'd been a while, but still... "Can't you...you know...?" Good *God*, what was he saying? To her! Did this constitute harassment?
Carter, brainiac that she was, apparently knew what he was getting at. "It's not just about the physical. I can take care of *that* myself,"
It was official: he was never, ever, going to be able to sleep ever again.
Unaware of the damage she'd just inflicted on his psyche, she kept talking. "It's just the feeling of being with someone, you know? Of holding and being held, touching, a warm body next to your own..."
Jack was feeling decidedly uncomfortable. In fact, parts of him were extremely uncomfortable. "Well," He coughed. This was his own damn fault. All of it. "Why don't you, you know, find someone you can share that with?" Realistically it was a moment he'd dreaded for years, but she had to do whatever she had to do.
"The thing is," She sighed, staring back into the fire. "I've never really been one for one night stands, as entertaining as they can be. Besides, I'm kind of a one guy woman, and the guy I want is...unavailable."
She didn't look at him. Didn't even flick her gaze towards him.
But he knew.
What was left of his brains pooled around his feet.
Suddenly, as if realising something, she lifted her hand to her mouth. "Oh my God...did I really just say all of that?"
Ooo, denial! Denial was *good*. "Uh," Ah ha! "You know what I bet?" He walked closer to her - though not too close, obviously - and pointed towards the fire. "I bet there's some kind of...substance." Yeah. That'd work. "There's some substance in the wood that gets released when you burn it, and it makes you say stuff you'd never usually say. In fact, stuff that's not true at all. Complete fiction. Lies. Falsehoods. Un-truths."
She looked up at him.
He looked down at her. "That'd work. Right?"
Nodding, slowly, Carter smiled faintly. "Alien influence?"
That phrase was just a little too familiar for comfort. "Alien influence. Right. You totally weren't responsible for your actions-" Warning! Bad, *bad* choice of words! "-saying. What you were saying."
"In that case," Slapping her thighs she stood up, causing Jack to back off by quite a few feet. "I think I'll remove myself from the area and try to get some sleep."
"Good idea," He nodded, eager for her to leave. "You'll have last watch." No *way* was he waking her up.
"Yes sir." She nodded, stepped over the log...and then turned back to face him. "Influenced by alien smoke or not...thank you. I haven't had a chance to talk to Janet lately, and I think this helped."
Well. Then. Well then. Well then then. "You bet. Anytime." Which, roughly translated, came out as: "Please, *please* don't ever tell me anything like that *ever* again."
Then she turned away, and was gone.
Jack pottered around the campfire area for a while, trying not to think. Cleaning up what was left of the MRE's...moving that log to there...moving that log back again...balancing it on top of another log and wondering if it would qualify as art...and when his willpower held out as long as it possible could he cursed, set the timer on his watch, and went off in search of her.
One snoozing Kelownan and meditating Jaffa later, he was there. Not letting himself ponder over what he was doing he bent to the ground, and snuggled up to Carter, his arms going around her.
She stiffened. "*Colonel*?"
He'd known he'd been taking his life in his hands by doing this, but he decided it was worth it. "Alien influence," He whispered. There was no threat on this planet - he'd been doing this long enough to have the knowledge of that ingrained in his bones. Still, he had no intention of sleeping, and the alarm on his watch would let him know when Teal'c's shift should start - at which point Jack would move far, far away from her. But for those few hours... "Go to sleep, Carter."
By now she'd relaxed, giggling at something. A particular something that evoked memories of a place cold, distant, but strangely comforting. "Shouldn't I be saying that to you, sir?"
Oy... "Sure. *Mock* my body. It's not exactly something I have control over, you know."
"I do, I do." She confirmed, her humour fading. "You smell really, *really*-"
"Carter!"
"Alien influence."
Thank God. "Yes. Alien influence."
"Right."
"Right."
"Good."
"Carter?"
"Sir?"
"Go to sleep."
~FINIS