Disclaimer - MGM/Gekko/Double Secret own them.
Spoilers for 'Meridian', 'The Changeling', 'Chimera', 'Heroes, Part 2', and upcoming season seven and eight episodes.
A/N: I haven't written anything for a long time. Probably as a consequence of this, I've lost a lot of faith in myself as a writer. Yet for some reason today, I really wanted to write.
I sat staring at the computer screen for a long time. Eventually this emerged. Feedback would be greatly appreciated.
*
It's not how she expected it to be.
Not that she had any great plans or real expectations for her life. Just to...keep doing what she's doing for a while, and then maybe someday she'll get around to that 'having a family thing'.
Thinking of it that way was good. Nebulous. It was somehow easier not going into detail when thinking about it.
And yeah, it'd be nice to have a family someday. Someone to share things with; things that no one else even knew about. There would still be pieces of her locked away - the things in her head that often sounded stupid even to her - but being able to share more of herself with someone than she ever had before...
Well yeah, okay.
Terrifying.
Kids. Kids would be good. Maybe.
Only she kind of already has one now; albeit one who skipped the whole childhood part and jumped almost straight into teenager. And now she doesn't as much need looking after, as for Sam to be someone she can talk to when she needs it, or to cry with when they both remember her Mom.
That was unexpected. Perhaps the most unexpected at all.
General Hammond leaving was another one. Forced out or choosing to go - it doesn't matter. She never seriously thought that either one of them would happen (which really was ridiculous of her because as much as she admires him, there was no Tok'ra symbiote in his head slowing down the ageing process).
The alliance. Dad. Now seeming further away than he ever has before. Even after Mom died, even after he developed cancer. He was never as far away as he is right now.
She cries about that sometimes. But only sometimes.
Sarah was another one. In the end, defeating Osiris had seemed almost...easy.
That hardly mattered anyway; Sarah was free and now she and Daniel were, well, hugely confused. It's been an interesting dance to watch, though part of her wants to bonk their heads together and just tell them to get on with it already.
Though it was some time ago now, she can't help but think of tretonin. The new lease of life it's meant for Teal'c, and others. How it forced him to face his own (non-literal) demons. How he becomes so much stronger a leader with each passing day.
And then there's him. The one who's always left to last because he's...him. Some habits just don't die at all.
It's not how she expected it to be, but she's learning - amazingly enough, from herself. She once told Daniel something as he lay dying, and so many times this last year her own words have been ringing in her ears. So she shows him, them - all of them - as much as she can, much more than she ever showed before.
It's awkward, and scary, but she's a grown woman for God's sake. She's allowed to care about people and tell them that, including him.
So they're sitting next to each other on her sofa now, actually focusing on the movie playing on her TV, instead of trying to sneak glances at each other or being too aware of just how many inches separate them.
Because she doesn't feel like she has to hide it anymore.
Teal'c's sitting on her other side. Daniel's in a chair on the opposite side of the room, mocking the historical inaccuracies of the movie (though quite what he expects from most movies these days is beyond her), and as Cassie - who'd just left to grab a bag of chips from the kitchen - returns, and flops onto the floor in front of the sofa, Sam studies the back of her head, then studies everyone else one by one.
Maybe she's already found that thing she's sometimes looking for.
Her gaze finally falls on him just as he rolls his eyes at something lame in the movie.
She smiles.
He doesn't see.
But that's okay. He doesn't need to.
~FINIS