Umm, it's a fic! And it's a SV/SGA crossover! Ha! And it's silly, yes. Definitely set before the end of season one of SGA.

Okay, so I haven't written anything for ages. Very anxious. *angst*

Feedback would be fab.

*

Lex's Tuesday afternoon wasn't progressing entirely as planned. This was mostly due to the fact that he had no idea where he was, how he got there, or what was going on.

One moment he'd been in his office talking to Clark, and the next he was...here. Someplace dank and badly lit, that appeared to have some kind of miniature fish tank in the wall.

Brushing aside his distaste at the interior design, Lex straightened his shoulders and walked along the corridor, determined to find an answer. He'd unravelled many mysteries since moving to Smallville, and this was simply another one.

Exploring for a while, he looked through every room he came across - the doors opened automatically, obviously sensing his presence - and reached several conclusions.

Wherever he was it was big, and he'd discovered a great deal of technology that didn't appear to be of Earth design. He'd long had suspicions about Clark's origins, but could this really be some kind of alien construction?

Either way, his hands itched to play with the technology, but he needed to find out exactly what was going on first, and if he had any way of getting back home.

He was just seriously starting to consider the possibility that he was the only one there, when a man rounded the corner and saw him.

Stopping abruptly (dark hair, a little shorter than average height, appeared to be wearing some kind of uniform. Lex didn't recognise him at all), the man frowned heavily, obviously realising that Lex was out of place. "What are-?" he began, only for his eyes to widen in obvious recognition and surprise. "Oh my God! It's *you*!"

Perhaps that had met before, after all.

*

"It's the most amazing discovery we've ever made! I mean this is bigger than Zed-PMs, the Stargate, utilising Asgard technology...this is...it's...I mean..." Dr McKay flailed his arms around. "It's LEX LUTHOR!"

Lex was beginning to wonder precisely which drugs McKay was on. It wouldn't surprise him at all to discover that the man had self-prescribed something potent. Although he did have to acknowlege that still wouldn't explain how he knew who Lex was while no one else seemed to recognise him.

After being 'found' in the corridor, Lex had been hustled along and up the stairs by the doctor, into what was apparently the 'briefing room'. Lex had glimpsed some astounding looking things on the way but, frankly, McKay's constant litany of, "this is so cool," and "the others are never going to believe this," had been somewhat distracting.

Now there were four other people in the room with them. Two of them were obviously some kind of military personnel, and the other two had introduced themselves as Dr Weir and Major Sheppard.

None of them seemed to be taking McKay's words seriously, staring at Lex dubiously.

Lex stared right back.

"I don't know, McKay," Sheppard slowly tipped his head to one side. "I've seen the Superman movies, and he doesn't look anything like Gene Hackman."

"Oh, for heaven's sake," McKay snapped. "Have neither of you ever seen Smallville?"

They looked at him blankly.

"You know Smallville?" Lex asked, although if McKay really did know who he was it made some kind of sense that he knew where he lived.

"Of course," McKay said absently, obviously still thinking how to get his point across to the others. Whatever that point was. "It's a TV show. You're not real."

Lex considered the possibility that maybe he was the one who'd been taking drugs.

"Look," McKay continued, as he addressed the others as if he was talking to particularly annoying - and dumb - children. "There is a television show. It is about Superman's life before he became Superman. It is called Smallville. He," he gestured towards Lex, "is Lex Luthor in this show, who is played by Michael Whatshisbaum."

Who the hell was Superman?

Sheppard lifted an eyebrow in disbelief. "Who just happened to end up billions of light years away from Earth on an alien city?"

"Yes," McKay huffed.

Regarding McKay for a moment, Dr Weir turned her attention back towards Lex. She appeared cautious, but not paranoid. "Why don't you tell us your version of events?"

Finally. Someone who actually wanted to hear his opinion. "My name *is* Lex Luthor, although I have no idea how Dr McKay knows me or what television program he's referring to. I live in Smallville. As for how I got here, I honestly have no idea. I was in my office, talking to Clark-"

"Kent?" McKay and Sheppard interrupted.

"Yes," Lex continued carefully. They knew Clark, too? "He's my best friend."

"Wait a minute," Sheppard said, "Lex Luthor and Clark Kent are arch rival-"

"Dramatic irony," McKay murmured, before addressing Lex. "Go on."

As interesting as this whole experience had been, Lex was seriously looking forward to getting some answers. Soon. "I was talking to Clark, doing nothing unusual, and suddenly I was here. In one of the corridors. I explored by myself for a few minutes, and then Dr McKay found me. Now could someone *please* tell me what's going on?" He looked between the three people he'd been talking to. "I have no idea where I am, how I got here, and I've just been told that apparently I don't exist!"

"Ma'am, I don't like this," one of the guards said, drawing their attention. "I'm not saying I'm exactly buying Dr McKay's theory here about who this guy is, but he seems to really think he is Lex Luthor. Real or not, we know that *he* at least is a bad guy."

Good God. Did *everyone* think he was the spawn of satan?

"Oh please, Bates," McKay scoffed. "Have you really never seen the show? He's not evil yet!"

The guard ignored him. "I think it would be safer for all involved if we kept him down in our brig. For our own protection."

"Protection from what? The imminent threat from his deadly baldness?"

"Rodney," Weir warned, but was cut off from saying anything else when a harried-looking man jogged into the room.

He was about McKay's height, wearing glasses, and as he came to a stop he spoke with a heavy accent Lex didn't quite recognise. "Sorry, I heard there was something-" Seeing Lex, he suddenly stopped talking.

Frowning, he studied everyone in the room one by one before turning back towards Lex.

"What is Michael Rosenbaum doing here?"

TBC

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