Current mood:	geeky
Current music:	Henry Purcell - The Married Beau

Scherzando
From Dido to Aeneas:
"Like devout incense thrown on smoking altars, like wax torches tipped with sulphur, I am burning with love: all day long and all night, I desire nothing but Aeneas."

Today, I held my cat down and squirted ointment in her eye. She's walking around the house with one eye shut like a pirate. I'd get a parrot for her shoulder if I didn't think she'd eat it.

Writing classical slash must be a masturbatory act because I sure don't do it for the feedback. If the mythical heroes were around, they'd invent the guillotine to punish those who don't appreciate their legendary magnificence.

How can a native English speaker not know what a complete sentence is?

"Than" is comparative. I like this better than that. That chair is older than this one. He's hotter than Georgia asphalt.

"Then" indicates a relation in time. I liked this then, but not now. Back then, the Romans knew how to throw a funeral. Lex sucked Clark's cock, then went home (he did one thing, then afterward, did another).

Fanitation. There's a giant vacuum that sucks back appropriate punctuation from one story and spews it into the next, so one's torrid, the other torpid. It's not just a matter of commatic exactitude--it's rhythm. Don't people know about scansion, climax, emphasis? Maybe I should write a companion piece to my grammar guide--Bry's Sexed-up Guide to Poetic Devices:

Ares bends you over his throne and whispers, "Assonance. You know how long I've thought about it?"

I'm not asking for alliterative kennings, just a sense of syntactic purpose, of language qua language. Word autopsies, with Victor-ian reassembly, piece by carefully chosen piece. Let's face it: Frankenstein might've been ugly, but those English villagers remembered the son of a bitch. Who the fuck remembers Clermont?

Question: What do you call someone who sends longer thanks for feedback than feedback itself?

Answer: ----. (Ed. Note: Due to the graphic and profane nature of this punchline, we had to delete it so as to not offend our more sensitive viewers.)

If I were a pharaoh in ancient Egypt, I'd order a bunch of slave-babes to do the naked nasty while I watch.

Damn. I've talked myself back up to normal. The bloody sun is even shining. How am I supposed to act like the emperor of doom and gloom when I'm feeling so perky now?