Disclaimer - characters belong to Paramount. That's about it.
Set sometime in the future.
Okay Mary, are you happy now? :)
*
The owner of the K'vari equivilant of a hotel smiled as he handed them their pass key. He clearly had no doubts whatsoever as to why they were at his establishment and Kathryn and Chakotay most certainly didn't care.
Enough was enough. They hadn't been able to get a moment alone in nearly a month now, and both were at breaking point, so when the opportunity for shoreleave on the K'vari moon arose they both jumped at the chance. Their relationship wasn't exactly a secret, but they had decided that some discretion was required - especially as one of them tended to get rather vocal.
As the owner informed them what room was theirs and how to reach it, Kathryn failed to resist the urge to tap her foot on the stone floor while similtaneously wishing that Chakotay would stop rubbing the back of her thigh with his hand and yet continue at the same time.
Finally she began to pay attention to what the K'vari was saying. "I hope you have a...pleasant stay with us."
Both grinning as Chakotay grasped the pass key, the couple quickly turned and walked away from the desk. "I hope you know what room we're in," Kathryn whispered.
"Me? How could I pay attention? You were rubbing yourself all over me!"
"Keep your voice lowered," she hissed, leaning against him in a serious violation of his personal space. He tried - however briefly and however futily - to ignore the effect she was having on him.
"Maybe we can try every door with the pass key..." he suggested.
Kathryn frowned. "I'm not wasting that much time." Turning around again, she stalked back to the owner. "I'm sorry, what was our room again?"
The K'vari's smile remained in place the whole time. Kathryn wanted to remove it quite brutally, but decided there were other physical activities she'd much rather be engaging in. "You and your *husband*, Mrs Smith, are in room uta-putata bexa. It's the eighth door along that corridor."
Kathryn blinked. It was no wonder she hadn't remembered it. "Thank you," turning away she murmured the words again to help herself remember. "Uta-putata bexa...what kind of system is that?" Reaching Chakotay, she grabbed his free hand and pulled him along the corridor. He didn't object.
Counting the number of doors they passed she quickly halted as they passed number seven and approached number eight. "This is the one." Handing her the pass key he loomed behind her, his chest resting against her shoulder.
Trying desperately for that one moment to pretend he wasn't there, Kathryn concluded what she could from the drawn instructions on the pass - mainly a big arrow - and shoved the key into the slot provided. Grabbing the handle, she turned it.
Nothing.
She tried again with the same result and continued moving the pass key and turning the door handle. By now Chakotay was almost on top of her. "Will you back off for a minute?"
He apologised, breathing softly against her nape. "Sorry. It's just that you smell especially nice today."
Closing her eyes, she tried to cling to what was left of her will power. Biting her bottom lip with her teeth, she sucked on the flesh for a moment. "You know...maybe we could just have sex in the corridor." She could almost hear his eyes widening.
"What if someone sees us?"
Turning her head ever-so-slightly, she half smiled at him. "They won't." And suddenly he was thrown against the wall by a diminutative woman who he should have out-matched in many ways. In this case, he was absolutely helpless and loving every second of it.
Approaching footsteps alerted them to a presence nearby and cursing loudly they quickly pulled away from each other as a female K'vari turned the corner and walked past them in the corridor. Smiling sincerely, she proceeded along until she almost reached the end of the corridor beforing entering her room. Unfortunately she was too far away for either Kathryn or Chakotay to see how she had opened her door.
Trying to pat down her hair which had become rather messy during their encounter, Kathryn began muttering. "Surely all these doors can't be locked. They can't *all* be hotel rooms."
Running along the corridor, each of them tried rattling the handles of other rooms until eventually Chakotay found something. "Kathryn! This one is different from the others. There are different words on the door. And I don't think it's locked."
Reaching him, she read the words on the door. 'Eim-Pre' it stated, and Kathryn had as little knowledge about what that meant as she did about their room 'number'. "Try it," she suggested.
Nodding, Chakotay turned the handle and the door opened. Peeking in slowly, he peered around the edge of the door. He looked for all of two seconds before he nearly slammed it closed, eyes wide and surprised.
"What?" Kathryn demanded. "What is it? I'm sure that I heard something."
He nodded again. "I'm sure you did, but I don't that it's anything you should be seeing."
Tutting, she ordered him out of the way. "Come on, move. I'm a Starfleet Captain. I've seen everything."
Reluctantly, he moved slightly so both could get an accomodating view around the edge of the door of the K'vari bathroom. As it opened Kathryn's mouth dropped open before she recovered. "Well," she whispered as quietly as possible "looks like Harry found someone...something to pass the time with. I guess he couldn't get into his room either."
"Is that Jenny or Megan?"
Just then they heard another voice coming from the room. Kathryn's mouth opened even wider.
Chakotay stopped himself from chuckling. "Looks like it's both..."
Tearing away from her view, Kathryn quietly shut the door. "This isn't good Chakotay. We should be doing, not watching."
Leaning against the wall, he asked to see the pass key. Studying the confusing diagrams, he gave up on them and instead looked at the words. "It would help if we knew what this writing said. Maybe they're instructions."
Clicking her fingers and smiling, Kathryn tapped her com badge. Communicating with Voyager, she asked for a tricorder to be beamed down to their location. Within a few seconds one materialised on the floor between them. Picking it up and activating it, Chakotay quickly scanned it and his tricorder beeped as it absorbed the information.
Taking the pass key from him, Kathryn lead the way back to their room. "Okay, tell me what to do."
Looking down at his readings, he watched as the information was translated. "Key in."
"Okay, I'm putting it in."
"Key out."
"I'm pulling it out."
"Turn knob."
"I'm turning the..." she paused and looked at him. "Is it just my state of mind or does this conversation sound decidedly dirty?"
Chakotay said nothing, but his expression conveyed that he absolutely agreed with her.
Shrugging, she turned back to the door and turned the knob. Still it didn't unlock. Nearly growling she tried again. Chakotay re-read the instructions to an extremely frustrated Kathryn who thumped the door. "I just want to have sex with my First Officer. Is that so much to ask!?"
The door to their room opened to reveal an extremely red-faced Lieutenant and another Lieutenant who was quickly zipping up her uniform. Kathryn took a step back. "Mr Paris..."
"Captain..." he cleared his throat, obviously having heard what she had been shouting. Kathryn was at a point where she almost didn't care, but she was still hidiously embarrassed.
He continued. "Umm...we were just about to leave anyway, so the room's all yours..." Grabbing B'Elanna's hand, he yanked her out of the room as she was still trying to get dressed. The engineer avoided all eye contact with her superiors until they turned the corner and could no longer be seen.
Kathryn still stared after them in shock, as Chakotay continued looking at his tricorder. "I think I know what the problem is. The owner told us we were in room uta-putata bexa, but this pass key is for room uta-putata bexo."
"You're kidding!" Not leaving him the time to respond, she stampeded her way back to the desk where the owner was sitting. "You directed us to the wrong room, *sir*. I respectfully request that you tell us where *our* room is." Her hands were placed firmly on her hips.
Still, the K'vari smiled, apparently unaware of the threat that was being placed on his life. "I'm afraid I can't do that Captain."
Her glare remained even as she frowned. "How do you know that I'm a Captain?"
Standing from his chair, the K'vari placed his hands across his stomach and rocked on the balls of his feet enthusiastically. "I know that you're Captain Kathryn Janeway and that he is Commander Chakotay of the Starship Voyager. And I also know that you never left your ship." Tilting his head slightly as they both gaped at him, he spoke again. "Computer: end programme 'illusion-Alpha'."
Suddenly it was no longer the K'vari standing in front of them. It was Neelix and he was holding out a gold statuette. "Surprise! You've just been Neelixed!"
Something clicked in the back of Chakotay's mind. "Wait a minute..."
Neelix grinned. "That's right Commander. You and the Captain are the latest stars of 'A Briefing With Neelix'!"
Chakotay had never seen Kathryn turn so red. Every word that she spoke was a challenge. "Are you telling me that everyone on the ship witnessed that?"
"More or less. I couldn't let Naomi watch it, obviously. But apart from her, yup. Here take your award for being such good sports."
All of this. All of this had been planned. The interruptions for the last month, she and Chakotay never having a moment alone. When they thought they were being beamed to the the moon they were actually being beamed to a fascimilie of the moon on the holodeck. Did that mean that everyone knew about it too? They had to. Tom, B'Elanna, Harry, Jenny, Megan. They had all been part of the plan.
Staring down at the statue that had been shoved into her hands, she realised that there was only one good use for it. "Thank you Neelix. Why don't you come here so I can show you how much fun I had?"
Chakotay decided to move to one side as Neelix took a step around the edge of the desk.
"Why thank you Captain, that's so sweet...Captain? Captain, what are you doing? Please be careful with that thing, you could hurt someone. Captain? Captain! Please, there could be delicate minds watching-"
THUMP
~FINIS