Disclaimer - Paramount owns them. Heh.
Okay, *this* one continues on from SrMaryKath's terrific A Half-Klingon, Two Choir Boys, and A Vulcan. Hee. Surprisingly rated PG-13.
*
It wasn't difficult at all to get Chakotay back to the ship. Once Tom and Harry arrived on the bridge they simply beamed him and the coffin directly to the bridge.
Getting him off the coffin was another matter entirely.
He sat on top of the metal object in his EVA suit, a leg either side as he straddled it. Gloved hands grasping at handles, he moaned about the injustice of her coffee obsession that he'd never been able to share but wished he'd been able to understand.
Tom and Harry hatched a merry plan and a few clicks and button presses later Chakotay's helmet detached. This only succeeded in one objective; his wails became louder.
Swearing, they gave up any concept of finesse and just grabbed onto his body, trying to pull him off the coffin.
No such luck.
The only hint Chakotay gave that indicated he was aware of their presence was the strengthening of his hand grips and pushing his legs even tighter against the coffin.
Eventually, after applying the combined strength of eleven crewmembers, a miniature tractor beam and a bottle of lubricant, he was pulled from the coffin.
"NO!" he yelled, flaying his legs about as he thunked to the floor. The eleven crewmembers also fell to the floor due to the force of Chakotay's sudden freedom, but quickly scurried away from him on their hands and knees.
One of them wasn't so lucky.
Hitting his head on the floor as he fell, Harry was rather dazed for a moment which left him completely vulnerable.
As the others rapidly evacuated the immediate area, Harry was utterly unprepared as Chakotay's desperate arms wrapped around him in a crushing hold.
"Holy...!" Harry yelled as he tried to breathe.
"Dammit!" Tom exclaimed "He's got Harry!"
Everyone kept their distance, sticking to the outer edge of the bridge (it took nearly ten minutes to peel them off), not wanting to spook their former First Officer.
"Oh Kathryn," Chakotay sniffled "you cut your hair." His head buried into the back of Harry's neck and his hand rubbed over Harry's stomach affectionately. "Why did you cut your hair? I always loved it so..."
"No one do anything to provoke him," Tom warned.
"That's easy for you to say!" Harry hissed, beginning to think that Chakotay's hands were wondering dangerously close to his chest.
Tom crept forward, looking as non-threatening as possible. "Chakotay...what do you want?"
Somehow those few select words made their way into Chakotay's brain and he acknowledged them. "Nothing," he replied "I have Kathryn in my arms. That's all I'll ever need." To emphasise his point he hugged Harry even closer, making the ensign wheeze.
An idea struck Tom them, and he carefully and slowly made his way over to where the medkit was located - next to the entrance for Jeffries Tube eleven beta. Opening the kit with the barest of clicks, he picked up the hypospray and inserted the vial of the only sedative available.
Turning, still crouched, he crawled crab-like towards the two forms lying on the centre of the bridge. One was whispering something while the other was demanding "Get your tongue out of my damn ear!"
"Oh Kathryn, you're such a tease..."
Actually, Tom thought the whole situation was exciting and he could easily envision incorporating this into a holoprogramme...
Captain Proton stealthily moved along on all fours, watching as poor Buster battled bravely but ultimately uselessly against the dreaded Moon-Beast from Io. It was tall, dark, and had a tendency to spout out cliched stories that drove everyone mad. It was terrifying.
Proton did not let his fear stop him - it would hardly be heroic.
Advancing towards the monster from behind, he paused when it growled something about an eagle. He exhaled lightly. He was only getting paranoid - it hadn't seen him yet. Continuing on his mission, he tried to block out the sounds of Buster's yells for help, freedom. Proton couldn't afford to get emotionally involved until Buster was rescued.
Reaching his target, Proton stood. In one hand he held the poison that would stop the dastardly swine, and with the other he tapped the afore-mentioned swine on the shoulder.
Turning wildly, and dragging a choking Buster on the floor, the Moon-Beast growled again. "My people have a saying..." he began.
"I'm sure they do," Proton retorted and promptly injected the beast with the poison.
Coming back to reality, Tom realised that the outcome hadn't been as fulfilling as the build-up suggested. Now *there* was a phrase he'd heard one too many times from B'Elanna, but this really wasn't the right moment to pout about his sexual problems.
The sedative did its work and Chakotay's hold on Harry immediately loosened. Pulling himself free, Harry scampered up and away as he tried to rub the saliva out of his right ear.
Picking up the tricorder from the medkit, Tom scanned his friend. "You'll be fine," he reassured him.
"Fine?!" Kim exclaimed. "You're not the one who was just molested by a superior officer!!"
Chakotay snored, dribbling onto his EVA suit.
~FINIS